What happened Izaya? !
by Shirohime's - Shizaya-stories
Summary: (Shizaya) Shizuo is just wandering around Ikebukuro, when he suddenly meets the flea. But wait, why is he limping? And …WTF! Is he crying? ! comfort, fluff, angst rated M just to be safe :) Next Update: 12.October.2014
1. Chapter 1: Izaya

**Surprise! It´s another Shizaya story~! *0* XD And oh yeah, I am gonna make Izaya cry in it! :D Great way of apologizing, I know. XD**

**Initially I intended to make this only a One-shot, but then a certain individual motivated me so much I ended up having ideas for at least two more chapters! XD I would like to dedicate this story to WaxWan! :D Thank you for being that inspiring and lovely individual~! -^.^-**

**PS.: ****The cover picture was again made by me, I posted a link for it on my profil-page. **~  


**Well then, that´s all I have to say... Enjoy! :D**

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**Chapter 1: Izaya?!**

**-Ikebukuro. Shizuo point of view-**

Raging Shizuo strolled through the dark streets of Ikebukuro.

A few hours ago he had been doing his job as a debt collector. He had accompanied Tom-san to the house of some man that apparently didn´t want to pay back even a yen of his debt.

Well, Shizuo usually didn´t care if these bastards paid their money or not, however, the moment the man had opened his door a fucking baseball bat greeted Shizuo right in the face!

Breaking the sunglasses, he got from Kasuka!

At the next house there had been a hysterical woman, a pan to the face had been what he got from her. He really had to control himself to not send her flying.

And then… god! Just thinking about it made him incredibly furious again.

Honestly, why the hell were they always aiming for the head first?! Apart from his third pair of broken sunglasses, didn´t they know they could kill someone that way?

"Damn assholes!" he punched a wall next to him.

He tried so hard to control his anger, and yet they just had to go and make him mad! Tom-san of course noticed Shizuo´s rage and sent him home for the day.

So now he was walking around Ikebukuro just as pissed off as before.

He didn´t want to go home yet, as well as he knew himself he would probably end up destroying parts of his own apartment.

He sighed annoyed.

If he would at least meet the flea.

Not that he wanted to. Meeting him would definitely make him even more angry, but after their little fights he always felt better. Maybe because he could go all out with him, without having to fear to actually kill the louse.

He really honestly didn´t want to kill anyone. Not even him.

Of course Izaya didn´t know that, and hell Shizuo prayed he would never find out. In the few rare occasions, where he actually managed to get a hold of the flea, he just made sure to loosen his grip a bit, seemingly unintentionally to let the flea escape or take his knife or whatever he usually needed to get away from him when he was cornered.

He took a cigarette and lit it.

Well, even if he didn´t meet him he would just have to calm down by smoking and talking a walk… It was not like he needed the flea. The day before he had also been fine without someone to take his anger out on.

He paused.

Now that he thought of it, when did he see the flea the last time? The day before yesterday…?

No.

He didn´t and neither did he the day before. In fact he hadn´t seen the flea for the past week.

He sighed.

That wasn´t a good sign. Everytime that damn louse disappeared for a while, Izaya was planning something and in 90% of all cases it was some fucked up plan to take him down.

…

Why was that flea even so possessed with the idea of defeating him? Did he have nothing better to do? Still thinking Shizuo turned into an alleyway.

Not that he minded, but really what was Izaya´s goal?

He knew it was not to kill him. If the flea really wanted to murder him, he would have done it long ago. He was smart enough to do so without even having to approach him.

So why? Just for entertainment?

Sounded more like him. Well, he didn´t exactly hate their typical chases so he didn´t care what his reasons wer-

Surprised Shizuo jerked his head up as something wet touched the tip of his nose.

_Ah shit, now it´s even raining…_

Frowning Shizuo looked at the umbrella in his left hand. Tom-san had given it to him saying something about it beginning to pour soon before the blond went off, too pissed to even say a thing.

Shizuo frowned guiltily as he opened the umbrella, he would have to thank him properly next time.

He looked at his watch. It was already 9:48 pm.

Whoah, he didn´t realize he had been walking around for 3 hours straight.

Sighing he turned around and walked into the direction of his home.

Puddles were already forming, and except him no-one was outside it seemed. It was really quiet, only the rain drops were making lapping sounds as they poured on his umbrella.

Shizuo listened to it closely. Somehow that had an enormous calming effect on him. It was just water pouring from the sky, and yet he really liked the sound it made.

It was really soothing.

He was already close to his apartment, when he decided to stretch his walk just for a little while longer.

He didn´t have anything to do anyway.

He strolled down the dark streets, looking at the illuminated signs and inhaling the now, thanks to the rain, fresh-smelling air.

He loved the smell of the air when it rained.

That was when suddenly an odd noise disturbed the soothing rain´s music. Shizuo stopped, listening closely.

It sounded familiar to running, but had a weird sound to it.

Seconds later Shizuo realized that the weird footsteps were coming closer rapidly by the second.

Only a heartbeat later a person came out of an alley right ahead of him, stumbling onto the broad road.

_So that´s what the sound was._ Shizuo thought.

The person was limping.

_No wonder it sounded so weird._

Abruptly Shizuo stopped in his tracks as he recognized the man.

Furry long coat, dark brown hair, a knife in his right hand, he had his back turned to Shizuo, but no doubt, that was Izaya.

_Limping?_

That was a surprise, how did he get hurt?

Well, didn´t matter, the flea was there, and Shizuo was up for a fight, more for the fun of it than for a calming matter now.

But while Shizuo had already seen Izaya, the flea had yet to take notice of the debt collectors precense.

_Huh? That´s rare, the flea being inattentive?_

He sighed. If Izaya didn´t see him coming, then he couldn´t evade the objects he was gonna throw at him…

Shizuo approached the raven, but even at the sound of his footsteps the flea didn´t seem to react.

"I thought I told you to stay out of Ikebukuro." Shizuo began already close enough to reach out for the flea´s shoulder to turn him around.

"Didn´t I? Iza-" he stopped mid-sentence as Izaya turned over by himself.

His eyes widened as he looked at the flea staring back with huge eyes. He couldn´t believe what he was seeing.

"Shizu-chan?" the raven whispered in disbelieve.

_No way…_

Izaya Orihara- was crying.

His face was covered in scratches and he was drenched from the rain. Little water drops dripped down his hair and clothes.

Tears were running down his pale cheeks.

_What the-?!_

"It´s really you Shizu-chan, isn´t it?" the flea asked suddenly, making an expression that made Shizuo´s stomach flip backwards. Even more tears began to flow down his cheeks as he asked this question.

Perplexed the blond looked at the sobbing flea intending to answer the obvious question, but didn´t get to do so as the flea suddenly lunged forward and buried himself in Shizuo´s chest, tightly grabbing his white shirt and hiding his face in the process.

"Izaya?! What are you doing?!"

Taken by surprise Shizuo wanted to shove the flea away.

He already put his hand on the ravens chest intending to push, when he felt something warm and sticky on his palm. He paused. Horrified Shizuo noticed just what this warmth was.

Blood stained the flea´s shirt colouring the whole chest. He could see even more of the crimson liquid running down Izaya´s left leg.

What the hell was going on?!

"What happened, Izaya?!" he asked now really worried.

The flea didn´t answer, instead he just grabbed the blond´s shirt tighter.

"Oi, Izaya?!" Shizuo tried again, but the only reaction he got from the raven was a flinch as he raised his voice. It was only then when he realized the flea was shivering like a leaf.

He tried to shove Izaya away a bit so he could take a better look at his injuries. Only a heartbeat later he realized how bad an idea that had been. The moment he tried to push the flea away his eyes widened in shock as he burst into tears.

"No! Please!" Frantically he gripped Shizuo´s shirt tighter his face distorting in fear.

Shizuo flinched as he looked at Izaya. His voice sounded almost pleading like he was begging for his _life_. That wasn´t the Izaya he knew! That wasn´t the taunting and teasing version he liked to chase through Ikebukuro! There was something seriously wrong!

"Izaya wait, I-" Shizuo was really worried now.

He didn´t know what to do! Orihara Izaya, the man he thought would never ever show any kind of emotion, was sobbing in his chest!

He couldn´t stand it!

He wanted to make Izaya look at him to snap him out of it, but the moment he motioned to move he just flipped out again.

"Don´t!... Please… let me-!" he cried broken sentences, showing an incredibly hurt expression, eyes squeezed tightly bringing out even more tears.

He looked hurt, he looked broken, lost.

_Shit…!_

Without thinking twice Shizuo dropped the damn umbrella and snaked his arms around the shivering flea pulling him into a tight hug.

"Shhh, it´s alright flea. Everything´s alright." He tried to soothe him with words, while holding him close.

He didn´t know what was going on, but he seriously couldn´t stand the flea looking so hurt. He wanted to comfort him. Somehow. If he could. He really hoped he could.

Izaya´s tremors however didn´t stop. His cries turned into heartbreaking sobs as Shizuo just stood there slightly panicking and tried to comfort the flea.

Damn it!

What happened?!

What should he do?!

In slow rhythm he began stroking his dark hair, while holding the flea as close as he could. He remembered how his mother had done that when he was young, it really calmed him. To his relief it seemed to have the exact same effect on Izaya.

He looked at the shivering form in his arms. He was cold.

Of course, the flea was soaking wet. Tremors shook his body.

Slowly, paying close attention to not let go of Izaya again for even a second, he pulled off his black bartender jacket and wrapped it around the shivering flea. Trying to give him at least a little bit of warmth.

But given the fact they were standing outside in the cold rain Shizuo figured it wouldn´t really help much.

Carefully, not trying to scare the flea again, he pushed Izaya back a bit, only so much that he could look him into the eyes.

"Izaya…" he began with a soothing voice. The raven rose his head a bit, barely noticing that Shizuo was talking to him.

Shizuo twitched at the empty look he received**.**

"It´s cold, so…" Shizuo continued, wiping away the tears that were rolling down the flea´s cheeks.

The blond´s heart clenched almost painfully as the flea looked terrified at Shizuo the moment these words left his mouth. Shizuo intended to suggest going to his place at least, since it was closer than the flea´s apartment but Izaya misunderstood.

"No, don´t leave…!" he suddenly cried and clung to Shizuo. Guilt overcame Shizuo as he realized how that must have sounded to the flea.

"No! No, Izaya, that´s not what I meant! I-I just-" he uttered guilty trying to clear up the terrible misunderstanding. However Izaya didn´t seem to listen.

Shit, what happened?!

What had broken the flea so much?! Or who?!

Did it happen during the past week?!

Another thought crossed his mind, making feel extremely awful.

Could he have helped him if he was there? If he just realized sooner that the flea had disappeared? Would he have even thought of the possibility that something happened? Could he have saved him?

No, he just would have thought nothing of it, as always. Guilt stabbed him.

He frowned and pulled the flea again in his embrace.

"I am sorry! Sorry… shit, so sorry! Izaya!" Shizuo didn´t even know what exactly he was apologizing for… the missunderstanding… or the fact he wasn´t there when the flea probably needed him most.

"I meant we could go to my apartment, together. I am not leaving you here, Izaya!" He explained, cupping informant´s face so he had to look at the blond.

Izaya nodded, lips trembling from the coldness, his eyes reflecting relief.

He couldn´t help him before, but now he would try everything he could to make the flea feel better again!

But how?!

Shit, he didn´t know what to do! That wasn´t the usual no-matter-how-hard-you-try-I-am-not-going-down Izaya, but a fucking scary fragile one.

He was crying! He couldn´t stand seeing Izaya cry! It drove him insane!

Without letting his grip on the flea falter he slid one hand down his knees and picked the flea up.

He was limping before, and didn´t seem as if he would let go of his shirt voluntarily in the next few minutes, but to Shizuo´s utmost surprise Izaya didn´t even complain. Instead, he just snuggled up closer and nuzzled into his neck.

Somewhere warm.

That´s the first thing he would do. The flea was shivering, he was cold, he would take him home.

Not speaking, not moving an inch, only silently crying till they arrived at Shizuo´s apartment.

It was a short walk, 2 minutes a most. Well, Shizuo was kinda running since he was really worried not only for Izaya´s mental state, but also his injuries.

The flea still didn´t speak a word. But his sobs also hadn´t died down as they entered Shizuo´s home.

Gently Shizuo carried the flea to his couch and sat him down.

Injuries first.

He discarded the jacket, rid Izaya of his coat and shoved up the shirt hastily. However Izaya didn´t even flinch, instead he just stared off into space with the same empty look he wore before.

Relieved Shizuo realized the injuries weren´t as bad as he imagined them to be.

Sure, Izaya had a hella lot of cuts, scattered over his whole chest, but they weren´t too deep. They weren´t even bleeding anymore. The same went for his leg.

He glanced at Izaya.

What he was more concerned about now was the flea´s mental state. What had made him cry?! For fucking gods sake, he had never seen him cry before! He couldn´t even imagine it!

But here he was, completely broken, crying his heart out.

At least the flea stopped sobbing by now, though a few tear drops were still trickling down his face from time to time.

He wiped them away gently.

"Izaya, everything will be alright, okay?" he tried to convince the flea and looked him in the eyes, but he got no response.

Just a lost glance.

He frowned. What should he do now?

He didn´t know how to handle the flea, if he was not even replying to anything he said!

Was he even helping him?

Should he even talk?

Or keep his mouth shut?

Should he hug him again?

God, he would do anything to stop him from crying!

But what was the right th-

"No…"

Surprised Shizuo jerked up his head as he heard Izaya´s voice.

"What?"

Shizuo froze as suddenly fresh tears began trickling down the flea´s face.

"I said no. It´s not going to be alright… Shizu-chan. It´s not… going to…" he stopped speaking as his eyes suddenly widened and he gripped his hair tightly, pulling up his knees.

"Not… not going to be… alright…! Shizu-chan… not… It´s-." he suddenly began hugging his knees rocking himself back and forth, constantly repeating the same words.

Shizuo´s stomach churned at the sight.

"No, no you´re wrong Izaya, everything is alright! See? I am here, I won´t let anything happen to you okay? So-"

"NO! NO, SHIZU-CHAN, YOU DON`T GET IT!" Izaya suddenly yelled, squeezing his eyes shut. Tears still dripping.

"NOTHING´S GONNA BE ALRIGHT!" he cried sobbing.

"NOTHING!"

"Izaya-"

"IT`S OVER, SHIZU-CHAN!... there is nothing… could help… it´s-" his voice died down, as he suddenly sat up straight, fear flashing over his face. Hasty he grabbed his coat Shizuo dropped on the ground next to him.

He pulled out his beloved knife he always kept in the pocket and flicked it open.

Shizuo already backed away a bit, expecting the flea to try cutting him now. What he didn´t expect was what the flea did next. Izaya stared at the silver metal lovingly, almost as if he was debating something.

Then he did it.

Shocked Shizuo watched the flea as he suddenly pressed the knife to his throat.

"IZAYA!"

Before he could even think of what he was doing he slapped the knife out of his hands and grabbed the informant´s wrists, pinning him down to the couch.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU`RE DOING?!" he yelled unintentionally loud making the flea cry even more.

"LET GO SHIZU-CHAN! LET GO!" of course he didn´t, instead he just tightened the grip on his wrists.

Shit, that just scared the hell out of him!

Izaya was not himself! He fucking tried to kill himself just now…! He-

Shit! What- what the hell was going on?!

"SHIZU-CHAN! LET GO! NOW!" he yelled at the top of his lungs.

Izaya didn´t even seem to notice his surroundings as he just continued screaming and trashing around, even hitting his table with his uninjured leg, making it emit a sickening sound.

Immediately Shizuo kicked it away so that it wasn´t in reach of the flea anymore. Even though he didn´t even seem to notice he just hurt himsel-

_He is having a panic attack!_ Shizuo suddenly realized.

Shocked Shizuo looked at the shaking flea. He was breathing unevenly obviously trying to gasp for air despite there being nothing here to prevent him from doing so. Sweat dropped down his forehead and he was fucking cold.

That was no normal flipping out or being scared, he was fucking panicing! For whatever reason!

What should he do now?!

He heard that in case someone was panicking you should slap him in the face so they snapped out of it.

He frowned. No, he didn´t want to hit the flea when he was crying like that, it seemed so wrong. Just so fucking wrong, he couldn´t even describe how much.

What should he do?! Izaya was still trashing around and didn´t seem like he would come to his senses soon.

Sure, he could just hold him down until he came to his senses, but somehow Shizuo got the feeling he never would.

**…**

The point of slapping a panicking person was to surprise him, right? Punching him wouldn´t surprise the flea… just hurt or even scare him at most… he had to do something else.

Something that would leave the flea utterly speechless.

He would do anything to get him back, but what?!

What should he do?!

Suddenly an idea formed in his head.

Something totally unexpected, right?

Something that would take the flea by surprise.

Without thinking twice Shizuo let go of his wrists, leaned forward, pushed the flea down on his couch and pressed his lips on Izaya´s trembling ones.

…

Shocked Izaya looked at the blond.

…

His movements died down and a staggered look replaced the scared expression.

He momentarily stopped trashing around, his eyes widening instead as he looked at Shizuo. The debt collector himself just as fascinated by his own actions.

Relief washed over the blond like a wave.

He stopped! He fucking stopped!

Izaya blinked confused, once, twice-

Experimentally Shizuo began moving his lips against Izaya´s. He didn´t want the flea to turn back on remembering whatever had caused him to panic so much. His eyes were still reflecting surprise instead of fear, but also something else he could not define.

Suddenly Izaya closed his eyes and began to kiss him back. Hesitantly first, but soon he slowly melted into the kiss.

And staggered Shizuo realized, that he liked it!

He had never ever kissed someone before, but…

Hell yeah he was kissing Izaya and he liked it!

Before he realized it he slipped his tongue into Izaya´s mouth, wanting more. Izaya gasped at the foreign object slipping in his mouth, but didn´t seem to mind, as he pressed his hot lips eagerly back against Shizuo´s. Letting go of his wrists Shizuo pushed himself up slightly not breaking the kiss, resting his weight on one arm while wiping the flea´s tears away.

The kiss became even more addicting, as Izaya looped his arms around Shizuo´s neck, tangling in his hair, pressing them even closer. Tongues carrying out a silent battle. Izaya gasped hotly into Shizuo´s mouth, and before Shizuo could even think about what he was doing he leaned down, putting one of his legs between Izaya´s and pressed him harder into the mattress. A gasp escaped the informant´s lips.

And god, he loved it…! The purpose of the kiss was long forgotten.

They were both breathing heavily when they parted in need for air. Shizuo reached for Izaya´s back, trying to pull him closer again.

However he froze up instantly, as a silent sob reached his ears.

Worried he backed away, looking at a little teardrop running down Izaya´s cheek again.

He looked at the flea in shock.

Had he hurt him?!

That was the first terrifying thought that rushed through his mind.

Only when he realized that Izaya´s arms were still wrapped around his neck and even tried to hold him closer as the teardrop fell he calmed down again.

…

No.

**He** didn´t hurt him.

…

He leaned down again cupping Izaya´s face with his hands.

"Izaya, why are you crying?" Shizuo asked with a soft voice, while wiping away his tears.

But the flea didn´t answer, instead he pulled himself up and hid his face in Shizuo´s neck continuing sobbing silently. Shizuo took the hint and just hugged the flea back, not peering for more answers.

"Shhh, it´s alright Izaya. Everthing´s alright." he mumbled soothing, rocking the smaller male in his arms.

He didn´t know what else to do.

At least the flea didn´t seem to panic again, instead he just snuggled closer, audible trying to suppress his sobs.

Shizuo felt the rage burn inside as he held the informant. Whoever had hurt his flea like this, if he ever met them, he would beat the fucking life out of them.

No one was allowed to hurt his flea.

No one.

Comforting he continued stroking Izaya´s back, whispering soothing words from time to time, not leaving Izaya´s hands out of sight for a second.

The knife was too far away for the flea to reach, but who knew what he would do instead if he suddenly decided to end his life again.

So he just kept on rocking the smaller male watching him closely, feeling tears soaking his shirt.

…

About half an hour passed till he finally stopped sobbing.

…

Shizuo still heard the quiet hicks Izaya was trying to hide, but his tears died down at least.

Slowly he backed away a bit, leaving just enough space between them so he could look him into the eyes.

More than releaved he realized that the flea was looking back. Not with an empty look like he had before, but actually seeing the blond.

He wiped away the flea´s tears.

…

"Shizu-chan, why did you kiss me?" Izaya suddenly asked with a raspy voice.

Shizuo drew back his hand.

He kissed him to stop him from panicing…

But why he did what happened then… he had no clue.

He shrugged and his glance fell on the flea´s injuries.

"Who did this?" he asked instead of giving a reply**, **regretting it immediately as the flea flinched.

"Don´t answer my question with another one, Shizu-chan." The flea responded quiet.

Shizuo cursed himself for asking as the flea looked away again, a sad expression painted on his face.

"Sorry." He mumbled.

Silence took over again.

…

"Why do you want to know?" the raven suddenly asked.

"Tch, isn´t it obvious? So I can beat them up so hard they never dare to try something like this again." Shizuo explained angry. Oh yeah, he would definitely beat them up! harder than anyone else in his life so far!

"Haha, Shizu-chan wants to protect me~" Izaya suddenly chuckled, a little smile appearing on his face.

Shizuo stared at him light headed.

He was smiling! Just a little, but he was! After so much crying!

Thank god!

Relieved he listened closely, sucking in every precious word that was willing to escape the informants lips. He didn´t want to miss even one of them.

Izaya looked at Shizuo tilting his head.

"What? No denying it? Watch it Shizu-chan, I am going to believe it~" he joked closing his eyes tired.

Dazed Shizuo looked at the flea.

He was behaving like normal again!

He really was!

"Then do." he whispered relieved.

Surprised Izaya blinked.

"Eh…?"

Without warning Shizuo leaned forward and wrapped his arms tightly around Izaya, holding him in a close embrace, leaning his head on the flea´s shoulder. Izaya struggled for a short moment, not getting what the blond was doing.

"Damnit, they actually made you cry…" he felt the flea freeze at the words.

"Shizu-chan?" he whispered, barely audible.

He still didn´t let go of the flea.

He didn´t want to.

Suddenly he felt the flea´s arms again, hands tangling in his hair, slowly stroking it from time to time.

…

"Don´t tell me you care." The flea said jokingly after a while.

Shizuo didn´t answer immediately, instead he just tightened his grip even more.

"I do."

He didn´t need to see the flea´s face to know just how surprised he had to look right now.

"Wha-"

"I just do okay?" he interrupted Izaya. Knowing he would just ask some question he couldn´t answer again.

For a moment there was just silence. No word was spoken, no movement was made.

Izaya was the one to first break it.

He snuggled into Shizuo´s chest.

"Shizu-chan?" he mumbled faint. For a moment Shizuo wasn´t even sure the flea really said something.

"Hm?"

Silence again. Probably he really missheard?

But no he didn´t as the flea slowly continued.

"…are we still enemies?" he whispered into Shizuo´s chest taking him by surprise.

He tilted his head upwards, facing the ceiling.

Were they still enemies…?

…

He sighed.

_Enemies…ka?_

At least as far as it concerned Shizuo, they weren´t enemies anymore, hell, they probably never really were to begin with.

Holding the flea still in his arms he changed their positions. While Izaya lied on the couch, Shizuo towered over him capturing the flea with his legs and arms on both sides, Izaya´s face only centimeters apart from his as he leaned down.

Mocha eyes stared into scarlet ones as he whispered.

"No..."

He bend down, eyes closed, bangs falling forward as he placed a butterfly kiss on Izaya´s forehead.

"…we are not."

Dazed the flea looked at Shizuo.

He lifted a hand, brushing away a bang falling in Izaya´s face as he leaned down again, pressing his forehead to Izaya´s.

He wanted to never let go of the flea again.

…

…

His flea.

**Aaand, that´s it! XD Oh yeah, we still don´t know what the fucking hell happened to Izaya?! XD**

**What did you think of this story? Please do tell! :D  
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**Next chapter will start out exactly where chapter 1 left off, after all, we don´t know yet how exactly Izaya will react to Shizuo´s latest actions... -^.^-**

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**! Chapter 2: I'm sorry... due to 1.8.2014 !_  
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**PS.: Oh, and for those who worry, I assure you, Izaya has a REALLY good reason for crying, but he was NOT raped. I could never bring myself to hurt the flea _that_ way. Never, in none of my stories! -^.^-**


	2. Chapter 2: I am sorry

**Heeey~ -^.^- Thank you for so many wonderful reviews! *-* And sorry for taking so long for another chapter. ^^ **

**First, thank you Ikarusakurai, for correcting this chapter! **

**And thank you WaxWan for inspiring me to write this whole thing! :3 **

**Okay, so now, let´s start. Enjoy~ -^.^-**

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**Chapter 2: I´m sorry…**

**-Shizuo´s apartment. Shizuo point of view-**

He hugged the flea closer.

Never.

Never ever was he going to let go again.

"Shizu-chan." He heard the raven whisper faintly and backed away a bit so he could see the informant´s face.

"Don´t do that…" he whispered, pushing Shizuo away a bit. Shizuo looked at the flea with confusion. His attitude had changed in a matter of seconds. The hurt expression he showed earlier had been replaced by a glare directed towards him.

"Izaya?" Shizuo asked confused as the raven pushed him away.

Suddenly the flea stared back at him.

"Ha, I can´t believe, you really fell for it!" the raven suddenly said. Shizuo looked at the informant, utterly surprised.

"What do you mean?" he asked puzzled. A sudden laugh coming from the flea startled him.

"Shizu-chan, did you really think I was crying? Don´t kid me, Izaya Orihara doesn´t cry. That was an act you stupid protozoan." he laughed, still glaring at the ex-bartender.

_Huh?_

Now the blond was at a loss.

"What are you-?"

Izaya sighed.

"God, Shizu-chan, you´re really stupid, aren´t you? That was just a game! Just a test to see how you would react, you brute!" he laughed.

Shizuo stared at the flea in disbelieve. What the hell was he talking about? Not even minding the visible confused state Shizuo was in, Izaya continued with a grin.

"But really, you never cease to surprise me Shizu-chan! You even went and kissed me-!" he paused.

"Disgusting." he hissed.

That did it. Anger built up in Shizuo and he shot up, grabbing the flea by his shirt and lifting him from the couch.

"What the hell are you talking about?!" he asked, obviously raging by now.

"Ara, so stupid you don´t even get what I told you? Poor you, must be difficult to live with so little brains... Or are you just so angry you can´t comprehend the situation yet?" Izaya just continued to tease the blond. He didn´t even seem to care what the debt collector could do to him.

Shizuo tightened his grip and brought the flea closer to his face.

"You... shut up!" he snapped at the flea. But the raven didn´t even flinch, instead his grin just grew wider.

"Haha, oh no I am not. Just throw me out if you want to stop me talk. I am tired of this already anyway."

Shizuo looked at Izaya with pure anger. It took him all he had to not just do exactly as the flea said. But suddenly something clicked in his mind.

No matter what the flea said, Shizuo _knew_ those tears were real. That hadn´t been an act. No way, even if it was Orihara Izaya he was talking about, that had definitely not been an act. Not even he could pull of something like that.

So why the sudden change?

What the hell was going on?!

Shizuo exhaled slowly trying to calm himself again.

He didn´t know why, but if anything Izaya had said till now had been an act, than it was what he said just now, that he was sure of. There had to be a reason for the sudden change in attitude.

He had to calm down now, getting angry seemed to be just what the flea wanted.

"Izaya, what´s going on?" he asked the raven again, this time less angrily.

The sudden change in tone sure did seem to surprise the flea. For a second he dropped the smirk he wore and just stared at the blond. But his devious grin soon appeared again.

"Shizu-chan, I already told you, this was just a game. A game. Not for real. You get what I mean?" he asked teasingly, obviously trying to annoy the debt collector.

Shizuo frowned, trying not to take his words seriously.

There was definitely something wrong, and despite Izaya now putting on his usual act, he knew the flea was just as broken as he was before. Even if he tried to cover it up.

If Shizuo really wanted to find out what was wrong with the informant, he would have to approach this in a calm manner.

Shizuo sighed and let go of the flea´s shirt.

However, what happened then left the blond just dumbfounded. Izaya fell down. He didn´t raise him that high, that he wouldn´t have been able to stand if he let go. Quite the opposite, the flea was still touching the ground with his toes when he let go. But still... the moment he let go of the flea´s shirt his knees buckled and he fell right onto the ground.

"Izaya?!" Shizuo knelt down with new worry. Surprised, Izaya jerked up his head. If he hadn´t paid close attention for a second, the ex-bartender would have missed the flash of fear appearing in the flea´s eyes.

If he wasn´t 100% sure before, now he definitely was.

This was an act.

Everything he said just now was an act. Whatever he wanted to achieve with it. But what puzzled Shizuo even more now, was the fact, that Izaya fell down.

"You can´t stand?" he asked.

He had been walking fine before, and his wound wasn´t that bad, so what?

Immediately Izaya resumed his façade.

"Haa? What are you talking about Shizu-chan?" Izaya began, putting on a smirk again.

"You fell down just now." Shizuo answered simply. That was a statement, not a question. Izaya frowned.

"So? I was just surprised you let me go so fast." he replied, still sitting on the floor though.

"Oh really? Okay, then stand up again." Shizuo said, paying close attention to the flea´s reaction. For a heartbeat he seemed at a loss for words, but then he shrugged his shoulders.

"Don´t want to." he answered.

"Izaya-" Shizuo began, but the flea interrupted him immediately.

"What? Am I getting on your nerves? If you want me to shut up, then just throw me out." he looked at Shizuo in a challenging manner.

Shizuo twitched. Where the hell did that come from now?

"Izaya, I won-t-" he paused as he looked into the flea´s eyes. They were glazed. At a second glance Shizuo noticed that the flea was sweating and his breath also seemed to come in rather short gasps-

He put his hand on Izaya´s forehead. Izaya´s eyes widened in surprise.

"Shizu-chan?! What are you-"

"Izaya you have a fever!", Shizuo exclaimed worriedly, clearly feeling the rise in temperature. And it was a fucking high temperature.

"I´m calling Shinra." he declared and moved to get his phone.

Instantly Izaya dashed forward and grabbed the knife Shizuo discarded earlier from the floor.

Shock flashed in Shizuo´s eyes, as he saw the action. The last time the flea had held a knife he wanted to kill himself. Ready to rip it out of his hands again he leaned forward, but to his surprise the feared knife didn´t find its way to the flea´s throat, but his own instead.

Izaya shot him a glare as he pressed the cold metal against the blond´s skin.

"No, you won´t." he spat. Shizuo looked at the flea in confusion.

"If you call Shinra I am going to slit your throat." he threatened. But the blond didn´t budge.

"Then do." Shizuo answered.

A final test.

A few minutes before the flea didn´t want the blond to leave, not for his life, so now it shouldn´t be different.

He gave Izaya a challenging look. If this was an act he wouldn´t do a thing.

Izaya just stared at him staggered.

_Well, didn´t expect that, ne Izaya? _

"Shizu-chan, are you stupid? I am serious, you know?" Izaya asked. Shizuo didn´t break his stare.

"So am I." he replied.

The flea hesitated. Slowly he pulled his knife away and frowned. Shizuo sighed.

He knew it. The flea didn´t really mean it. He took the knife out of Izaya´s hand and put it on the table again, not taking his eyes off the raven for a second. But he didn´t even resist.

"Iza-"

"Why...?" Izaya interrupted him. Shizuo stared at the flea, staggered as suddenly tears began flowing down his cheeks again.

"Why can´t you just throw me out...?" he asked the blond, sobbing. All former defiance in his eyes disappeared.

Shizuo caressed his cheeks softly, wiping the tears away. Izaya was really burning.

"Why should I throw you out?" he asked the flea with concern. But Izaya didn´t answer. Instead he just lowered his head again, hiding his face behind his bangs.

"Just throw me out, please, Shizu-chan."

Now Shizuo was really confused. First Izaya holds onto him and tells him to not leave him and now he wants to be thrown out?! That didn´t make sense at all.

"No I won´t, I-" he was interrupted by a violent cough and a following painful gasp, coming from the flea. Horrified, Shizuo watched a small trail of blood running down the corner of the flea´s mouth.

"Izaya?!" he almost yelled. If he hadn´t already been worried before, than he sure as hell was now.

"I´m fine." the flea whispered, still squeezing his eyes tightly. He clearly was in distress.

"Izaya, you coughed up blood! Don´t fucking kid me, what´s wrong with you?!" Shizuo asked extremely worried.

There definitely was something going on that the flea didn´t tell.

"Oi Izaya?!" he grabbed the flea by his shoulders, making it so he had to look at him.

"What´s wrong?!" Izaya turned his head away slowly.

"Just hurts..." A faint whisper reached the blond´s ears.

"What? What hurts?" He asked again.

"...breathing..."

...

That´s it.

Before the flea could even protest Shizuo picked him up, sat him back on the couch, got his phone and dialed Shinra´s number.

Breathing. God damn Izaya said it hurt to breathe. No matter how stupid the flea thought Shizuo was, he definitely knew that this was something dead serious.

Thank god that damned doctor picked up right away.

_"Shizuo, do you know how late it i-"_ Shinra began, but got interrupted by a not quite patient debt collector.

"Shut up Shinra, I need you now!" He couldn´t care less if it was already midnight or not, this was a fucking emergency for god´s sake! He sat down on the couch, besides Izaya and put his hand again on his forehead. He hissed. If he wasn´t wrong his temperature had risen even more. At least the doctor seemed to get that the blond was being serious.

_"What happened?"_ he asked, now with his more doctor-like tone.

"Shinra, the flea is at my house, and-"

_"What?! What did you do?! Did you kill him?!"_ the bespectacled man immediately asked in a shrieking voice.

"God damn no Shinra! Just listen for a second okay?!" Shizuo yelled, "Izaya is here at my apartment and I think he is sick or hurt, god I don´t know, he has a pretty high fever, and god he just-"

"Shizu-chan..."

Immediately Shizuo paused as he heard the faint whisper. He looked at Izaya again, putting the phone away for bit. The raven raised his head. His eyes were still glazed from the fever.

"It´s no use... Shinra can´t help." , he continued.

Confused, Shizuo looked at the flea. He had stopped crying, but the hollow look he had put on again didn´t sit well with the blond at all.

"What do you mean?" he asked softly, but Izaya just shook his head.

"I´m sorry..." he muttered. Shizuo looked at the flea with astonishment.

Sorry?

"Huh..? What do-"

"I´m sorry, Shizu-chan..." he repeated, hugged his knees and looked down again.

"What are you talking about?" Shizuo asked and brushed the bangs hiding Izaya´s face away.

_"Shizuo?"_ Shinra questioned.

"Ah, sorry." Shizuo held up the phone again.

_"Okay, so you said you weren´t sure if Izaya was sick or hurt, so what symptoms does he show?"_ the doctor asked.

"What symptoms? Well I already told you, he-"

"IKTX."

Surprised, Shizuo jerked his head as he heard the flea.

"What?"

The raven sighed, looking away he continued speaking.

"They gave me IKTX. 6 hours ago. Tell Shinra that." he murmured.

Shizuo blinked, confused.

IKTX? What was the flea talking about? He never heard of that before.

"Who gave you-" A sudden voice coming from his phone interrupted him again.

_"Shizuo?"_ the doctor sighed.

"Ah, yeah, Izaya just said something about IKTX, and that I should tell you that someone gave it to him 6 hours ago or so."

Silence.

"Shinra?"

Shizuo looked at the phone. Yup, he was still connected.

"Hello?"

_"Ah, sorry, I... doesn´t matter now. Shizuo, you said he had a fever before. Did... did he cough up blood...?"_ the doctor asked.

Surprised, Shizuo raised his eyebrow.

"Yeah, how do you know that?"

Silence again. The doctor had never been the type to be silent. More like an annoying fly, even when he was in his serious doctor mode.

Somehow Shizuo was getting a really bad feeling.

"Shinra?"

_"Shizuo, it... it would be the best to just bring him home, okay? He will get better on his own then."_

...

What?

What the hell was he talking about? Just bringing the flea home? What the hell...?

Somehow the bad feeling seemed to get stronger and stronger. Not only because of the thing he said first, but because of that second part.

_-He will get better on his own.-_

Shizuo knew that damn underground doctor for a long time now, and he fucking knew, that THIS just now had been a fucking lie.

Just that fact alone left him feeling like drowning as the next question rolled over his lips.

"Shinra, what is IKTX?"

He didn´t miss to notice the sharp gasp that came from the other end.

_"Shizuo, that´s... you don´t need to kno-"_

"Shinra!" the blond yelled.

Silence hang in the room again. Shizuo glanced at the flea. He was still just sitting there. Almost as if he was waiting or something. He glanced at the blond for a second, but quickly turned his head away again, frowning.

"Shinra, if you don´t fucking tell me in the next 5 seconds what´s going on with Izaya I swear you will regret it!" Shizuo warned.

_"Shizuo, no, trust me it´s better if you don't-"_

"1" The blond started counting.

_"No, Shizuo please listen, this-"_

"2"

_"SHIZUO!"_

"3"

A heavy sigh escaped the doctor lips.

"4"

_"Shizuo... I beg you, please don´t make me tell you-"_

"5. Time is up Shinra."

...

Still nothing but silence.

...

"Shizuo..."

"Shinra! You gonna tell me now or-"

_"Izaya... will die."_

...

...

...What...?

No, he... he misheard right?

That.. that couldn´t... no, that´s just...

"Shinra, I think I didn´t quite hear what you said." Shizuo mumbled.

_"No, sadly you heard right, Izaya will die."_

No.

That couldn´t be.

Just..

No.

"You´re lying..." Shizuo stated. Shinra sighed.

_"No, I am afraid I am not. Being given he got it 6 hours ago, he probably has-"_

"SHINRA! Tell me you´re lying!"

_"No, I am not! Shizuo listen, IKTX, or in other words InstantlyKillingToXin is a new popular murdering drug in the underworld. Once taken it gives a 99% probability of dying and-"_

"Shinra, stop lying, damnit!"

No. That just, no that couldn´t be... that...

_"Shizuo, I am not-"_

"STOP LYING! PLEASE...!"

Unbearable silence dominated the room for a minute. Neither the doctor, nor Shizuo or Izaya said a thing. After a while Shinra began to speak again in a faint voice.

_"1 hour... That´s the most I give him. The only thing you can do is to comfort him okay? Don´t let him die in fear, Shiz-"_

_**CRACK**_

Shizuo broke the phone in two out of fury and frustration.

No! He refused to accept that!

"Shizu-" Izaya began after seeing the blond breaking the phone but got interrupted as Shizuo suddenly wrapped his arms around him, trapping him in a tight hug.

"Everything... everything is alright, ne Izaya? You won´t die."

"Shizu-chan, I-" Shizuo hugged the flea tighter, cutting off his words.

"You. Won´t. Die. Okay?" the blond repeated, still not willing to let go of the flea for even a second. Even though he couldn´t see the informant´s face, he could guess what a sad look he must wear right now...

"Shizu-chan, I know what´s happening... I already can´t feel my legs anymore, and the rest of my body is going numb too, my fever is rising, my sight is blurry... it´s already hard to breath and in one hour I will completely stop-"

"SHUT UP!" Shizuo yelled unintentionally loud, making the flea flinch.

He backed away a bit and cupped Izaya´s face.

"Izaya, you are not dying!" he repeated. A sad frown appeared on the raven´s face. He already seemed to have accepted his fate.

"No, Shizu-chan, I-" but he got interrupted again.

"No you are not! Izaya, I always tell you that 99% of the time everything is your fault, and you always ask me to believe in that last 1%, so now shut the fuck up okay?! There is a 1% chance of surviving! I believe in that fucking 1% now, okay?! So don´t you dare give up!" he gulped.

Damnit, now even his own eyes betrayed him as he felt tears threatening to spill. He hugged the flea again, hiding his face in his shoulder.

"You can´t die, I won´t let you..." he muttered.

"You´re stupid… You can´t prevent everything you know?" Izaya chuckled slightly, which was a huge mistake which he noticed seconds later as another coughing fit hit his body like a tidal wave.

"Shut up. You won´t.", Shizuo mumbled worriedly while rubbing the raven's back.

"Really simple-minded..." Izaya remarked.

"So what if I am..." the blond replied backing away again. He wished he hadn´t as he saw the informant´s face. His voice had sounded stable, but in reality tears were flowing down his cheeks.

"Shizu-chan, I am sorry..." he cried silently. Shizuo frowned.

"For what?"

"...for dying in front of you... instead of alone." Shizuo almost felt as if an arrow pierced his heart as these words escaped the raven´s lips.

"Iza-" he got interrupted.

"No, let me talk Shizu-chan. Who knows how long I can. You know, I really hated you at school. You remember our first meeting?" Shizuo nodded silent. Of course he remembered.

"Sure, who could forget something like that?" Izaya smiled.

"Yeah right, you chased me all over the school after I slashed you with my knife… I really hated you that moment. Seeing you for the first time you already disturbed my pace by immediately hating me..."

He paused for a moment.

"Ne, Shizuo, remember how I always said I wanted to kill you? Or for you to drop dead?...I didn´t... honestly, I had a lot of chances, but I didn´t want to. You know, you may be hating me for that now, but it was fun being chased by you through Ikebukuro."

Shizuo frowned and hugged the flea again.

"I know." he replied softly.

"Eh?"

"Izaya, you are fucking smart, even I get that you would be able to kill me if you really wanted to... You know, I also like chasing you. It always relieves me of some unwanted anger." he admitted.

Izaya chuckled slightly.

"Oh yeah, I saw that. Probably because you always use up all your energy while chasing me." Shizuo chuckled a bit.

"Could be. But you know, I wouldn´t have killed you either." Izaya nodded.

"Mm. I know. The first time you caught me I really thought you just slipped when I got away, but after a few more times it was quite obvious you really just let me go."

Shizuo sighed.

"Well, couldn´t just kill a friend, right? …"

Izaya looked at the blond surprised, as he tilted his head upwards, facing Shizuo again. Tears began rolling down his cheeks as he began crying anew.

"Izaya? What´s wrong?" Shizuo asked, worried.

"Ah, sorry. It´s nothing, it´s just... " A heavy sigh escaped the flea´s trembling lips. "Shit, what the hell is with that, making up roughly 30 minutes before I die? Honestly, our timing sucks…" he smiled a broken smile.

"Izaya, you won´t-"

Suddenly he felt the flea shiver really badly.

"Are you cold?" he asked the raven, while felling his forehead again.

He wasn´t burning anymore. In fact he was really cold instead and trembling like a leaf. Izaya nodded, shaking. Quickly Shizuo got up and got a blanket. He gently picked up the flea and seated him on his lap, letting him lean onto his chest.

"Shizu-chan?" Izaya asked confused.

"I have an average temperature of 38 degrees. Just treat me as a heater." Shizuo simply replied while covering both of them with the blanket. Izaya chuckled faintly as he snuggled closer to Shizuo.

"Shizuo, the terrifying heater of Ikebukuro. Beware of his warmth... "

"Tch." Shizuo forced a smile.

"Ah, do you remember that one time at school?" Izaya suddenly asked.

"What time?"

"You know, that time you chased me through school because I drew a moustache on your face while you were sleeping on the roof."

Shizuo remembered.

"Oh. That time." God damn, it had taken ages to wash that shit off of his face.

"You ripped a heater out and threw it after me." Izaya continued smiling.

"Oh yeah, and then I got suspended if I remember correctly... I got suspended quite often because of you..." he reminded. Izaya smiled.

"Mm, yeah. Sorry about that."

"Tch, long forgotten... After all you did good things too." Surprised, Izaya looked at the blond.

"Eh? Good things? You sure you´re talking about me?" ha asked. Shizuo laughed.

"Oh yeah, I clearly remember that time when a group of punks came to school. I threw a truck after you the day before and actually broke a few bones. There were fifty of them and I was alone. Maybe they could have even defeated me that day." Now it was Izaya´s turn to laugh, followed by a few coughs though.

Worried, Shizuo watched the flea as he continued speaking.

"No way, no-one would have ever defeated you, wearing a plaster or not." he clarified and leaned back on Shizuo´s chest, his breathing really unstable.

"Maybe, but you know, you saved me there. Just as the fight was about to start, you suddenly appeared. I don´t remember what you said exactly, but you sure pissed off every last of them till the point you were running away from school and they chased you. 5 minutes later you came back. No scratch, just saying you lost them somewhere on the way." he laughed. "That was actually quite cool, come to think of it, how did you lose them?"

Silence.

"Izaya?"

He wasn't moving.

He was cold.

His eyes... were closed.

No.

"Oi, Izaya?!" panic took over Shizuo´s mind. Suddenly the flea´s eyes fluttered open again.

"Ah, sorry, nodded off." he replied faintly.

No, that was no nodding off.

"Izaya, you´re like freezing cold..." Shizuo frowned.

"Really? Don´t feel anything..."

Shocked, Shizuo looked at the flea. He stopped shivering and only kept getting colder. The blond tried to rub his arms a bit to get him to warm up and held him closer.

"Oi, Izaya keep your eyes open, okay?" he said with a shaking voice.

"Nnn." Izaya nodded slowly before he broke into another coughing fit. Shizuo rubbed his back, trying to comfort him a bit. There was more blood...

"Ah, sorry about before." the flea suddenly said after he stopped coughing and snuggled back into Shizuo´s warm chest.

"For what?" he asked slightly panicking, stroking Izaya´s hair.

"For what I said... and...the kiss... It wasn´t disgusting. Not at all."

Shizuo mustered a smile.

"I figured as much, after all you kissed me back." he reminded the flea.

"Mm. You´re good at kissing."

"I could kiss you again tomorrow." Shizuo tempted, especially emphasizing the word tomorrow. The flea nodded.

"Maybe..."

"You mean _definitely_. You- Izaya?" Horrified, Shizuo watched the flea as his eyes closed again.

"Just..tired..." he whispered, blinking a few times.

"Izaya!"

"Shizu-chan… Thank you. You know, I really do like you."

"Oi, Izaya, don´t go saying your last words now, you hear me? You aren´t going to- Izaya!" Panicking, Shizuo watched the flea. The raven's eyelids were closed.

"Oi! Open your eyes Izaya! Izaya!" he shook the flea.

"Sor..y. sle..py" he mumbled.

"Izaya!" He didn´t move.

_No, this can´t be.. This can´t-_

"Izaya! Oi, open your eyes!"

Still no reaction.

_No.. _

_No! _

This can't be, he couldn´t just-!

"Izaya! Please, come on, open your eyes again!" he pleaded, not caring about the tears that ran down his face.

"Izaya!"

He didn´t open his eyes.

He didn´t...

"Izaya!" the blond sobbed.

_No..._

"Wake up!" he cried. But still the flea... he didn´t ...

_No!_

"Please!"

_NO!_

"IZAYA!"

**Did he die?! D: Oh yeah, I know I am evil! Sorrry~~ XD But, nooo next time you still won´t get an answer… XD Instead, you will get to see everything from Izaya´s point of view. ;) I hope you liked this chapter~ -^.^-**

* * *

**NEXT: Chapter 3: The reason due to: 11.9.2014 (definitely!) Sorry for the lateness, I will never ever take so long again! :) And it´s gonna be a looong chapter... ;D **


	3. Chapter 3: Reasons

**Hello my dear readers! -^.^- Sorrrry! I know I took really long this time and I apologize. ^^' Thank you for waiting so patiently for this new chapter! As promised this time it´s extra long, and I definitely won´t take so long for updating again! **

**Thank you IkaruSakurai for correcting this chapter! :3 **

**Enjoy! X3**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**Chapter 3: Reasons**

**-2 am. Shinra´s point of view-**

_**CRASH**_

A loud racket coming from the front door cut the silence, causing Shinra to shot up from his couch.

_What was that?!_

"SHINRA!" a yell, sending a shiver down his spine, was heard. Immediately Shinra ran in the direction of his apartment's entrance.

_Why is he __**here**__?_ He frowned. He thought he told Shizuo to-

The moment his sight fell on the blond, who entered his apartment forcefully seconds ago, his eye´s widened.

"Shiz-" his voice faded out at the sight.

Shizuo was standing in the now open doorway, carrying Izaya in his arms carefully cradled up in a blanket, tears spilling uncontrollably out of his eyes.

"Shinra! Do something…! Anything! He isn't waking up! He-he isn't-!" Violent sobbing shook the blond´s sad figure as he held the lifeless informant closer to his body.

Shinra already felt a lump build in his throat at the sight of the former informant. Anger took the better of him and he clenched his fist in frustration.

"Sh-shizuo, I –I can´t do anyth-" he tried to explain with a hoarse voice, his eyes already began stinging dangerously.

Why the hell did he come over?!

He couldn't do anything! For god´s sake, why?

Why did he have to…

The blond interrupted his thoughts.

"SHINRA! DO something! I don´t care what, just… something…" Shinra watched the former bartender as he fell down to his knees, hugging the flea even tighter, as he continued to cry.

"Izaya…" a heartbreaking sob escaped the blond's lips.

"Shizuo…" Shinra squeezed his eyes tightly, he couldn´t bring himself to look at this scene anymore.

Izaya was dead. He really was. Sadness overtook the doctor. Even after studying dozens of patients… he wasn´t able to find a cure…

There was just none. No matter what he searched for, no matter what he analysed, he didn´t even find a clue….

He just wasn´t able to... and now Izaya was-

…

He felt like suffocating.

He was a miserable doctor, he wasn´t even able to save one friend. Even if it was Izaya, he was a friend.

Was.

"Please…" Shizuo begged.

_Stop it._ He couldn´t do anything.

"Shinra…"

_Stop it. _His sight became blurry.

"He is still breathing..."

_Sto-_

It took two moments for these words to be registered by Shinra's mind. His eyes sprung wide open and he looked at the blond with a shocked expression.

_What?!_

"So… please, I don´t want-"

"Wait, what?" Shinra stared at the blond dumfounded, rubbing his eyes to get a clear sight again.

Shizuo looked up at the doctor, confused by his sudden hectic-sounding voice.

"Did-did you just say he is STILL breathing?!" Pure surprise was reflected on the doctor´s face.

Shizuo nodded, tears dropping down at the motion.

"That´s impossib-"

Shinra looked at his watch hastily.

2:13am.

No mistake.

Izaya had received the drug _more_ than 7 hours ago, and was _still_ breathing?

His heartbeat accelerated as he realized just what this could mean. In a split second he was by Shizuo´s side, beginning to check up the unconscious informant, earning a confused look from the former bartender in the process.

"Shinra?"

But the bespectacled didn´t reply, he was too absorbed by his analysis.

He stood up again, his face showing a rather staggered expression.

Indeed, Izaya was still breathing, but what surprised Shinra even more was the fact that his heart was still beating at a regular pace.

Quickly he rushed to his operation room.

The chance was really slim… but just maybe... no it was near impossible… but... maybe…

"Shizuo, carry him here!"

It was just a slight hope, a really slim chance… It would be a race against time, it would be nearly impossible.

He already felt the adrenaline rushing up at the thought.

But-

Maybe he could save the informant…!

**-8 hours before. Izaya´s point of view-**

"YOU DAMN BASTARD!"

"No! Please!"

"Shizuo! Calm down!"

_Oh god this is just too damn hilarious!_

Holding his stomach Izaya had a really hard time trying to suppress his laughter.

For real, this was just…! _Oh god!_

Seeing Shizuo get a bat, a pan and now a simple brick to his face, was just too damn amusing! Trying not to let the blond notice him, he slapped a hand over his mouth when the guy made another move to hit the former bartender.

Seriously, this was the best.

Izaya had been following Shizuo around for a while now, waiting for a moment to surprise the blond, but he didn´t think he would get to see something that entertaining.

Honestly, this was even better than just starting their usual fight with the debt collector. He watched with amusement as the man got punched in the face and disappeared from Izaya´s sight.

He giggled when he saw the face of Tanaka Tom. A really troubled expression was engraved on it.

_Really, it must be quite difficult to work together with Shizuo. _

Said blond wasn´t about to calm down even after he punched the guy. Izaya watched the debt collector highly amused when he entered the house yelling at the man that went to hide somewhere in there.

Tom of course followed Shizuo trying to get him to calm down.

Delighted, Izaya flipped his phone open, the man Shizuo was visiting at the moment was one of his clients after all.

Yep, he was at fault the guy had no money to pay back.

He grinned as he scrolled through his contacts.

He could phone that guy´s wife and kids to come home immediately. They sure would be shocked if they saw what was going on in their home. Izaya wondered just what kind of expression they would make after seeing the fortissimo of Ikebukuro busting up their home.

Suddenly the noise got quiet. Izaya frowned when he saw the blond leaving the house, not actually having destroyed it, it seemed, followed by Tanaka.

"Tch." Damn he wasn´t fast enough. Tom definitely did get faster at calming Shizuo in his rage.

Well he had to, otherwise he wouldn´t be able to do his job for long.

"And there I wanted to take the entertainment a bit further~" Izaya mumbled while tailing the two of them again.

The next visit was rather unspectacular. The man actually got his money it seemed.

Sighing, Izaya leaned on the fence of a garden, still rather far away so that Shizuo couldn´t see him.

He was getting bored.

Maybe he should come out now?

He just motioned to take a step forward when a sudden movement in the shadows of an alley besides him caught his immediate attention.

A few guys, seven if he counted right, were leaning on either sides of an alley.

Izaya frowned at them, all alerts set.

For more than one reason.

First: How come he didn´t notice them earlier?

Second: Why the hell were they watching Shizuo?

Because no matter how you looked at it, they were all staring right at the blond. But not that usual look that everyone on the streets gave them on their typical chases.

No, they were actually _watching_ him. Izaya's ears perked when he noticed that they were talking about something.

With his interest piqued, he moved a bit closer. Cautiously of course, he wouldn´t want his lovely humans to notice him too early after all.

"Oi, you think we should do it today?" one of them suddenly asked aloud, his question seemingly not aimed at anyone of them specifically. A tall, black haired man threw away the cigarette he had been smoking and stomped on it.

"Today is alright."

_Today?_

_What are they going to do?_

"But look at him, he is already boiling with anger, I don´t think it´s a good idea." a little one suddenly opposed.

Now Izaya was intrigued. They were talking about Shizuo. Definitely. Were they planning on fighting him?

He smirked. If so, they would fail miserably anyway.

These guys were just small fries. They could never even dream of succeeding in taking Shizuo Heiwajima down. No-one was able to bring Shizuo down. Except himself of course.

"It doesn´t matter what mood he is in. The fact is, in about 8 hours Shizuo Heiwajima will no longer be alive."

Izaya blinked with surprise.

_What?_

"Right. But what if-" the smaller one from before tried again, but was immediately interrupted by another guy.

"There is no _if_ Hiroshi, I am sure you remember the plan, right? I don´t see any flaw in it. Do you?"

A few seconds of silence filled the chilly air until Hiroshi opened his mouth again.

"No." He replied.

"Then that´s it."

Izaya hid in the shadows when the man suddenly threw his cigarette away and moved out of the alley. But instead of approaching Shizuo like Izaya would have thought him to do, he just went up the street, the other six following him in silence, not even paying attention to the blond at all.

Frowning, Izaya looked after them.

_What the hell was that about?_ _A way to kill Shizuo for real? In 8 hours? _

What were they planning?

A little uneasy, he stepped back from the wall he has been leaning on. What if they really found something to actually kill the brute? Not that that was even possible… but...

What if?

He frowned. No-one but him was allowed to kill Shizuo…!

He sneaked a last glance at the blond, who was just leaving the house with Tom again, and followed the guys.

With caution, of course, for he didn't want to capture the attention of any of them. If they knew Shizuo Heiwajima, then they surely would also know who Izaya Orihara was, and he wasn´t sure if they would choose to cooperate with him or not.

So he decided to observe them and just find out on his own what they were planning.

It started getting dark while Izaya tailed the group. They had gone up the street, turned left, then right and then left again, only to end up at an old warehouse, which was obviously not used by anyone anymore.

Izaya eyed the run down building suspiciously.

Was this their "hide-out"? If so they were even lamer than he thought.

He cringed his nose, there was a bad smell lingering in the air. Almost smelled like a decomposing corpse.

Izaya scanned his surroundings anxiously before looking into the warehouse through a rather dirty window. He could make out a person sitting on a chair in the middle of it. He or she had a sack wrapped over his head though so he couldn't really make out who it was that sat there, tied up he realized after a moment.

Strange bottles containing weird liquid were standing around in the large hall, surrounding the bondaged person.

Izaya cringed his nose at the acid smell.

He corrected himself. There was obviously something serious going on.

"So when are you going to call?" He heard one of the guys suddenly ask.

He pressed himself closer to the window, trying not to miss anything they said.

"You mean about his precious brother? Oh well, why not now, it's about time anyway."

Staggered, Izaya glanced back at the tied up figure.

_Kasuka? _

He squinted his eyes almost furious.

So that's how they planned to kill Shizuo, they wanted to use his brother!

He gritted his teeth in annoyance.

Well that was underhanded.

If anyone was going to kill Shizuo then it should at least be a fair open fight. Aside from the fact that only Izaya was allowed to kill the blond anyway.

"Tch." There was no way that the raven would just let them go through with their plan.

Confident, while already holding his favourite knife in one hand and a few blades in the other, he kicked the front door open.

"What-?!" The men turned around with surprise, staring confused at the raven-haired.

Izaya quickly dashed over to the tied up person.

Kasuka, if he guessed correctly.

"Oi you! Stop!" Two of the guys unfroze from their initial surprisement and charged at the flea. However, Izaya didn´t prepare his blades for no reason. Aiming perfectly he threw a few of his blades at the men, hitting them on their legs and stomaches, making them collapse to the floor.

The others gasped staggered at their fellow men as Izaya came up to Kasuka. With one swift movement he cut through the ties, but left the sack in place.

He didn´t exactly needed the actor to know who saved his ass just now.

"You damn bastard!" now the rest of the men were on his heels. Quickly he gave Kasuka a push on the back, directing him towards the entrance while throwing the last couple of his blades at the men.

At least the actor seemed to get the hint and began to run. Satisfied with the smartness of the younger Heiwajima, Izaya turned his attention back to his new enemies. Some have dodged his knife, some not, they were still standing there, glaring at him, but they didn´t move.

Of course, they didn´t know that he had no more blades to throw at them, but Izaya would definitely not go as far as to tell them that piece of information. Instead he smirked at them.

He was in control. Swiftly, he glanced at the door he came through. Kasuka had managed to escape while these men had been busy with the raven. Scanning his surroundings, Izaya realized that this one entrance was actually the only one in this warehouse. Well, except for that huge locked gate in the back, but that didn´t really seem as if it could be opened anymore, seeing that there were lots of different goods stocked in front of it.

He looked back at the men.

If he wanted to get away he would have to get through that door again.

And so he ran.

Normally he would have taken his time, maybe teased and talked with these guys, but this time he decided not to. The fact that he didn´t know what the hell they were producing here and that they managed to capture an actor that famous made him cautious.

No teasing or small talk for today.

"STOP!" one of them yelled as he quickly dashed to the door, the men chasing him the second he did so.

"DON`T LET HIM GET AWAY!"

He dodged them swiftly, one hand, two hands trying to get a hold of him. He knew if they succeed it would probably not end good for him. With his heart beating fast, he slashed one of the guys blocking his way to the exit just before he reached it.

He was almost there!

Or not. Just as he was about to leave the building in a rush he felt a strong grip on his left arm, turning and dragging him back by force. He shut his eyes, preparing for the unavoidable impact on the ground as he felt himself lose his balance at the action.

Rusty and broken iron parts were shattered on the floor, he realized when he fell on the ground. Instantly he felt hands grabbing his shoulders and turning him face down to the floor.

Feeling the weight of a man sitting on his back, Izaya hissed in pain when he felt the sharp edges of the metal slice his skin.

Pain shot through his wrist as one of the guys stomped on it to get him to drop his knife.

However, he didn´t drop it. Instead, he turned the tip of the blade upwards right before the man brought down his foot again, laughing, and stepped right on the blade.

A yell of pain was heard and before the guy sitting on Izaya´s back could even comprehend what made his partner scream so much Izaya took the knife and slammed it into his tigh.

"AAH!"

Face distorting at the sudden pain the guy leaned forward, giving Izaya the chance to arch his back to the degree where he could actually throw the man off. However, the other men were still there, trying to hold him down again already, but not this time.

Izaya smoothly wriggled out of their grasp, dashed to the door and slammed it shut behind him. To his delight his sight fell on an iron rod lying right next to the door. It didn´t even take him a second to grab the item and shove it in between two other iron rods on both sides of the door, intelligently locking his pursuers in the warehouse.

He grinned relieved as he heard the yells of the men inside and the visible shaking of the door when they tried to crash it open. But given the fact that it was a warehouse´s door they were talking about, it sure was sturdy enough to withstand the action.

Slightly panting Izaya leaned on his knees. His heart was still beating rather fast after his escape.

They nearly got him!

…

He laughed.

_Nearly. _

He still managed to escape. Amused, he stood back up again, tilting his head towards the sky. It was dark already. He chuckled at the still not subsiding yelling and swearing coming from the warehouse.

He gulped.

_Fuck. _

He hadn´t had such an adrenaline rush for a long time. To his displease he realized that his hands were still trembling. Inhaling deeply he gripped the soothing cold metal of his knife and slid it back into his pocket.

He had to calm down. After all, he escaped.

Or so he thought.

Izaya realized a second too late that there was a shadow lurking behind him.

The moment he turned around pain from an unknown source shot through his tigh. He hissed and stepped back, only to stare at the face of yet another one of these men. The guy had stuck something in his leg.

"Hehehehe…! Got ya!" The man grinned crazily at the informant.

Izaya frowned in disgust, dashed forward and held the knife to the man's throat.

He couldn't really slit it though when the man hastily backed away. With one quick charge forward, however, Izaya still managed to slash him across the chest, making him grunt in pain as he fell down.

He glanced at his leg, still hurting quite a bit and saw the source of the pain.

"Fuck, ouch." Annoyed, he pulled a syringe out of his leg.

God damnit, what the hell was that? He looked at the empty syringe suspiciously. He frowned, whatever it was he didn´t like getting a shot against his will at all. He just wanted to throw the tittle piece of plastic away, when he noticed something black on it.

He looked closer. It were letters. Really tiny letters, but who cared. He would have to make do with what he had.

"Nr. 8… I…K…" he squinted his eyes. IK? He squinted his eyes trying to read on, but the rest was not really readable.

Maybe it was a F and another K? Nono, probably a T, that would fit better, yeah.

And the other could be an X.

So what stood there was actually

Nr. 8 IKTX-

…

His blood run cold and he dropped the syringe.

His eyes widened.

_No._

Izaya grabbed it again hastily and tried to decipher the text once more.

_No._

But with the same outcome. No matter how he looked at it.

_NO._

That was-

"NO!" before he even knew what he was doing he had already grabbed his knife and began to violently stab his own leg in the place he had taken the syringe.

Smell of blood drenched the air, pain shot through his body, but Izaya didn´t care.

The only thought that raced through his mind like a train was- GET. THAT. SHIT. OUT!

No matter how, just out of his body!

Or it would kill him!

It really would!

Not even Shinra could help him, HE KNEW!

**-Flashback: Shinra´s place 1 week before-**

"AAAAHH!"

"God damn it Shinra, can´t you get that man to shut up? I am getting a headache!"

Izaya was sitting on the couch in Shinra´s apartment. He had broken his wrist in one of his fights with Shizuo the week before, and was here to get his plaster removed.

Shinra gave him an apologetic look.

"Ah sorry, I can´t stop that yet, I need for him to be conscious during the test."

His interest piqued a little and Izaya perked his ears.

"Test? What are you testing on _a human_ Shinra?" Izaya asked curiously. Shinra waved his hands.

"Ah no, you couldn´t really call it a „test"… even if it kinda is one."

Izaya raised his eyebrow.

"Meaning?"

Shinra sighed, and sat down opposite to Izaya.

"I am trying to find a cure for this new murdering drug IKTX. I am sure you have heard of it." Izaya´s eyes widened slightly at the name. He heard of that poison, sure, but how come Shinra knew it?

"Ah, I did. But I didn´t know you were on that too." He said, leaning forward interested.

He had heard about it from Shiki, but other than the name and it being a deadly drug he hadn´t obtained all that much information about it yet.

"Well, actually I have been given the job to invent a cure for this particular poison… but…"

Another painful scream tore the air. Annoyed, Izaya glanced at the doctor´s room.

"Then why is he screaming so much?" he asked the bespectacled.

"Well… he is dying, probably really suffering and trying to keep breathing even though he knows he won´t last long…"

"Huh? What´s that supposed to mean? I thought you were trying to save him?" Izaya asked, frowning. Shinra sighed in defeat.

"Correct. Trying. I failed. The 34th time this week." Izaya didn´t miss the way the bespectacled´s expression went gloomy.

"34th?" Another sigh escaped the doctor´s lips as he got up again.

"IKTX contains mainly of a common hazard that is associated with the incomplete burning of natural gas and carbon-relates material. Once taken it poisons the body by displacing the oxygen levels in the blood and effectively starving vital organs including the heart and brain for oxygen. I think I don´t need to tell you what this means… Moreover, it has some more effects that are really… a mystery to me." Shinra admitted, scratching his head.

"Effects?" Izaya asked curious.

"It get´s the lung and heart to dissolve itself." Izaya gulped. Well that was some nasty effect. However, Shinra had yet to continue.

"But that´s not all. After being poisoned by it, you won´t notice a thing, but after about six hours the person´s body will gradually begin to go numb, breathing will get harder, usually he will get a high fever, followed by something similar to hypothermia all of this accompanied by coughing blood because of the lung´s dissolving until the heart gives out and the person dies."

_Woah… that´s some scary shit._

"And he is screaming because…?" he asked as he heard yet another scream from the operating room.

"Ah, painkillers don´t work." Shinra explained.

"I have had a couple of patients now, and painkillers no matter wich ones I took, worked even a little bit on them. Though I have had about four patients that didn´t seem to feel the pain after about six hours and a half." He shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly.

"I guess they just experienced so much pain that the brain wasn´t even able to transmit the information correctly. But that´s only a wild guess."

Izaya nodded before the doctor continued.

"Either way, to conclude, if you get that you´re with a 99% probability going to die." Izaya raised an eyebrow in surprise.

"Eh, 99%? I thought you couldn´t save a single one until now?" Izaya asked. Shinra waved his hand dismissively.

"Ah no, I meant in mathematical terms. Nothing in this world is 100% sure if we look at it from that perspective, but I don´t wanna bore you with philosophical theories now. Fact is: You get that drug - you die. Simple as that. The last remaining 1% would be what we would call a _miracle_."

**-9:50 pm.-**

With his pulse beating at an alarming rate, Izaya kneeled on the ground.

The man from earlier had begun to laugh as the informant stabbed his own leg to get the poison out.

By now they stopped: Izaya the stabbing and the man his laughing, because he was dead.

"Haha." Izaya laughed. However, compared to the man before, he definitely sounded way more crazy.

He must have looked so stupid.

So god damn fucking stupid. As if he could get rid of the poison that way. Sure maybe through the blood loss he lost a bit of the poision, but still.

He got a whole fucking syringe of it in his veins.

This time he messed up.

He seriously did mess up.

It was over.

Uncontrollable tremors shook his body at the realization of his definite death. He slapped a hand over his mouth as he suddenly felt nauseous.

He was so stupid…!

So god damn fucking stupid!

Even though he would have liked to hide it, he was scared. He was scared to death.

Bad wordplay considering he was going to DIE.

To fucking DIE.

"This is all Shizu-chan´s fault!" he yelled, squeezing his eyes shut.

That´s right, it was all Shizuo´s fault!

He only was here because he wanted to know just how they planned on killing Shizuo!

Just because of that protozoan he was going to die!

Just because..!

Because…!

…!

Shit!

He felt the tears even before they dropped down on his hands.

Shit, shit shit…

He was going to die…!

Violent sobs shook his body as the definite truth hit him like a slap.

Shit …!

With that he got up and ran.

He didn´t even know why he ran, where he ran.

He just couldn´t sit there any longer.

He didn´t…! He didn´t want to die, this was just…!

He had to do something, he had to distract himself, or he felt he would go insane.

Because he would die.

For real.

No…!

He dashed down the streets.

NO! NO! NO!

He didn´t want to die!

All alone on the dark streets of Ikebukuro...

Okay, maybe at home, but still alone… And then he would rot in a grave.

Locked in a coffin. Bugs and worms eating their way through his body…

If he even got a grave. Who would even organize a burial for him?

He was hated. By every single human in this city.

They would throw him at a dumpster at most, all kinds of animals eating away at his corpse as he rotted away.

His steps slowed down as he suddenly got incredibly nauseous. With the images of his own rotting corpse in mind, he managed to lean on a wall before he threw up on the cold concrete.

He was horrified. His fingers digged into the cold wall not able to stop himself from thinking.

He forced a bitter smile. His imagination probably wasn´t even that far off.

Shit… He stormed out of the alley panting and stopped. He began shivering really badly. Probably from the vomiting… or the rain. He didn´t even noticed it began to rain until he stopped to look at the sky.

_Drip drop_

Large drops were dripping from the sky.

He would… he would really…

In 2 hours he would…

He gulped hard, still tasting the bitterness of throwing up a second ago.

He felt miserable.

Tears began flowing down his cheeks relentlessly joining the rain drops on their fall.

_Drip drop._

…

He would die.

For real.

It was over.

It was-

_Drip drop._

He was going to die…

"I thought I told you to stay out of Ikebukuro."

Izaya froze, eyes widened as he continued to stare in front of him when he heard this all too familiar voice behind his back.

That was Shizuo.

The one and only.

He was here.

Why?

How?

"Didn´t I? Iza-" Izaya didn´t let him finish his sentence as he turned around hastily. His eyes widened even more when he actually saw the blond, standing right behind him, holding an umbrella in his hands.

"Shizu-chan?" the raven whispered disbelieving.

There he was. The reason for his misery. The reason why he was going to die. But still... he couldn´t feel angry at the blond at all. Instead, a huge wave of relief washed over the raven as he saw this all too familiar figure, that constance in his life, standing right in front of him.

"It´s really you Shizu-chan, isn´t it?" he suddenly heard himself ask.

The former bartender looked rather surprised.

_Why?_

Ah... of course, he was crying.

Because he was going to DIE.

He was going to die TODAY. New tears threatened to spill from his eyes as the thought kept lingering in his mind.

He would really die.

Alone.

…

No…

No wait.

Shizuo.

He didn´t know how he got that idea or what even got into him to want that kind of thing, but the next thing he knew he lunged forward and burried himself in Shizuo´s chest. Much to the surprise of the blonde.

Alone.

He didn´t want to die alone.

He didn´t want to die at all.

But if he really died, he didn´t want to die alone.

Not like this.

Shizuo.

The debt collector of course knew nothing of this at all.

"Izaya?! What are you doing?!" Shizuo yelled and already motioned to shove him away again, only resulting in Izaya tightening his grip on the white shirt even more.

Izaya already expected to get a good punch to the face now.

Izaya expected to get thrown against a wall.

Izaya didn´t care.

Just... just for a moment, just to calm down at least a bit, enough for him to recover his usual mask, this time to prevent himself from thinking of his definite death, he wanted to stay.

Only a bit... even if he would get done in for it.

The next question, however, actually surprised Izaya.

"What happened, Izaya?" Izaya didn´t miss the new tone Shizuo used with him now. One of concern? No, couldn´t be…

Either way he couldn´t answer that. He couldn´t say what happened.

If he told Shizuo right now that he was going to die… if he heard those words out of his own mouth…

He would go crazy... he really felt he would.

Not that it mattered, he would die tonight anyway, what did it matter getting crazy before?

"Oi, Izaya?!"

Izaya flinched as the blond suddenly yelled louder and noticed that he had gripped the white shirt even tighter.

He wanted to stay like this, just for a little longer. He didn´t need for the blond to know.

He just wanted to stay like this only a bit… Just to calm down, just….

But Shizuo didn´t intend to let that happen it seemed, as he suddenly felt strong arms push him away a bit.

His eyes widened in fear.

No.

Not yet!

"No! Please!" Frantically he gripped Shizuo´s shirt tighter.

He didn´t want to let go yet… he didn´t want…

"Izaya wait, I-" Not paying attention to the tone in Shizuo´s voice Izaya almost flipped out as the blond pushed again.

"Don´t!... Please… let me-!" he squeezed his eyes tightly clearly feeling warm tears roll down his cheeks again.

He wanted nothing in his life more now than the comfort of Shizuo´s warmth. The relieving fact that he was not alone.

Not alone…

Please…

It was scary, thinking of dying alone on the street, maybe even in his apartment if he made it that far, but still.

Alone.

He would be completely alone.

Suddenly he heard something drop to the ground. Surprised by the sound, Izaya blinked, only to catch a glimpse of white before strong arms found its way around his figure pulling him into a tight hug.

Izaya stared at the blond in disbelief.

No matter how he tried to interpret it, no matter how he looked at the situation…

Shizuo hugged him.

It didn´t make sense, shouldn´t Shizuo be trying to punch him? Shove him away? Kill him?

"Shhh, it´s alright flea. Everything´s alright."

The words were like balm to the flea´s ears.

He wasn´t going to punch him.

He really…

He really was comforting him.

He wouldn´t leave him alone for now. Tears were streaming down his cheeks as he sobbed relentlessly into the blond´s chest. Tremors shook his body as he felt a warm hand stroking his hair.

A feeling he wouldn´t exchange for anything in the world right now.

The thing Shizuo did next surprised the flea even more.

Shizuo took of his vest and wrapped it around Izaya.

Why was he doing this?

Suddenly he felt himself being pushed back a little. Panicking, he looked at the blond.

"Izaya… It´s cold, so…" he began while wiping away Izaya´s tears.

_It´s cold…?_

_Shizuo is cold?_

Izaya´s eyes widened.

_No!_ He wanted to go, he would just give him his vest and leave him here!

No, he didn´t want that! _No!_

"No, don´t leave…!" he suddenly cried and clung to Shizuo.

_Don´t leave…!_

"No! No, Izaya, that´s not what I meant! I-I just-" he uttered, but Izaya wasn´t really listening until the blond pulled him into his embrace again.

"I am sorry! Sorry… shit, so sorry! Izaya!"

Sorry? Why was he sorry?

"I meant we could go to my apartment, together. I am not leaving you here, Izaya." He explained, and cupped Izaya´s face making him actually look at the blond.

For the first time this evening actually.

He would have expected Shizuo to be mad at him, or disgusted by this sudden hug, but all the more he was surprised when Shizuo looked at him concerned, calm, not in any way Izaya would have imagined.

Suddenly he realized the blond was saying something about going to his apartment. He nodded.

Anywhere… anywhere was fine as long as he was there.

Before he knew it the former bartender suddenly slid one hand down his legs and picked him up effortlessly.

Normally Izaya would have struggled and tried to get away from something as embarrassing as this, but today wasn´t normal.

Normally Izaya wasn´t going to die.

To actually…

He snuggled up closer and nuzzled into Shizuo´s neck and began to cry yet again.

Not speaking, not moving an inch, only silently crying till they arrived at Shizuo´s apartment.

He didn´t really even notice that they arrived, only when Shizuo suddenly put him down he noticed that they were in his apartment.

While sitting on the couch Izaya saw Shizuo discard his jacket, and felt that he rid him of his coat and shoved up his shirt.

He didn´t really care to think why, or what he should do, or how he should normally react to this.

Somehow everything became dull in a matter of seconds.

Empty, that was the feeling that would describe Izaya´s mental state the best that moment.

"Izaya, everything will be alright, okay?" he suddenly heard Shizuo say.

Alright…

If he could he would have smiled bitterly at the response.

No… _Shizu-chan you are wrong. You are so wrong._

He would die. For sure.

1 hour was the most that he had left now. He would die.

_Alright..!_

_Nothing is gonna be alright!_

"No…" he said aloud.

"What?"

Izaya felt fresh tears trickle down his cheeks yet again.

"I said no. It´s not going to be alright… Shizu-chan. It´s not… going to…" he stopped speaking as his eyes suddenly widened and he gripped his hair tightly, pulling up his knees.

Only now realization hit him.

He wouldn´t only die.

NO-

_-breathing will get harder, usually he will get a high fever, followed by something similar to hypothermia all of this accompanied by coughing blood because of the lung´s dissolving until the heart gives out and the person dies-_

No, this was not-

He wasn´t only going to fucking die, he was going to die in PAIN.

_-Alright_-, tch, nothing… nothing was alright!

"Not… not going to be… alright…! Shizu-chan… not… It´s-." trying to calm down again he hugged his knees rocking himself back and forth. He was scared. For the first time in his life he was really damn fucking scared of what was going to happen to him within the next hour.

"No, no you´re wrong Izaya, everything is alright! See? I am here, I won´t let anything happen to you okay? So-"

And then Izaya snapped.

"NO! NO, SHIZU-CHAN, YOU DON`T GET IT!" Izaya yelled, squeezing his eyes shut. Tears still dripping never-ending.

How the hell would the blond prevent something… something like this?!

"NOTHING´S GONNA BE ALRIGHT!" he cried sobbing.

Fear.

He was scared.

"NOTHING!"

Really damn fucking scared.

"Izaya-"

He didn´t want that pain.

"IT`S OVER, SHIZU-CHAN!... there is nothing… could help… it´s-" his voice died down.

He was going to die, he knew it… he accepted it... but he didn´t want the pain!

His lung and heart were going to dissolve, he didn´t – he didn´t want to be here anymore when that happened..!

He took a decision.

He got up, grabbed his coat, pulled out his knife and flicked it open.

He didn´t want to be here anymore.

And with that he brought the knife to his throat.

"IZAYA!"

Before he even knew what happened the knife was slapped out of his hands and his wrists were pinned to the couch.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU`RE DOING?!" he heard the blond yell at him.

"LET GO SHIZU-CHAN! LET GO!" he screamed. But the grip on his wrists just tightened.

"SHIZU-CHAN! LET GO! NOW!" he yelled at the top of his lungs.

He didn´t want this pain anymore, he didn´t want to live with that fear for the next hour, it was going to end anyway, so why?!

He heard something crack and felt pain shoot through his body, however he could´t really locate where it came from.

He didn´t really care either.

All he wanted was that knife.

NOW.

That was the only thing he could think of as he kept trashing around.

The only thing.

Until the blond did something that rendered Izaya speechless.

He let go of his wrists, leaned forward, pushed him down on the couch and pressed his lips on Izaya´s.

…

Nothing. Absolutely nothing was going on in Izaya´s mind that moment.

NO pictures of himself being dead, NOT thinking about the pain that was going to come, NOT about his death.

…

His movements died down and he looked staggered at Shizuo.

Izaya blinked confused, once, twice- but he didn´t get to do more as he suddenly felt Shizuo´s lips beginning to move against his own.

And it felt good. Izaya never kissed someone before, but this actually felt good.

Normally he still would have shoved the blond away for this.

But now.

He didn´t give a fuck.

He was going to die in under an hour. He was going to be in pain. But this _now_ felt good.

He closed his eyelids and began to kiss Shizuo back. Quickly he began to feel quite hot as the blond suddenly slipped his tongue into Izaya´s mouth.

Izaya gasped satisfied at the pleasurable feeling racing through his body and pressed his lips eagerly back on Shizuo´s. He shortly felt the heavy weight lift from his body. Shizuo had pushed himself up and was now wiping away Izaya´s tears.

He didn´t know why, but the action comforted him. Before he knew it he had his arms around Shizuo´s neck, pressing them even closer. A hot gasp escaped the informant´s mouth as their tongues carried out their silent battle.

And then Shizuo leaned down, slipping one leg in between Izaya´s, deliciously pressing the raven harder into the mattress. A hot gasp escaped Izaya´s lips at the motion and a hot sensation was building inside his body.

_More_. He wanted more of this.

He tightened his grip with his arms.

He wanted to feel Shizuo.

He wanted to continue kissing him.

He wanted to wrap his legs around his waist.

He froze.

He couldn´t.

His eyes widened shocked.

He didn´t feel his legs anymore.

_-the person´s body will gradually begin to go numb-_

_No. _

_Damnit, why- why now?_

He was so frustrated he felt like crying. And it seemed he actually did as he felt a single tear run down his face.

And Shizuo stopped moving altogether.

_No! Don´t stop!_ Desperately he tried clinging to the blond more when warm hands found their way to his face again, cupping it gently.

"Izaya, why are you crying?" Shizuo asked with a soft voice, while wiping away his tears.

But the flea didn´t answer, he couldn´t, how should he explain?

So instead he pulled himself up and hid his face in Shizuo´s neck just to continue sobbing silently relieved as the blond hugged him back again.

"Shhh, it´s alright Izaya. Everthing´s alright." he heard Shizuo mumble.

It wasn´t.

He knew.

But he had to ignore it. He snuggled closer and tried to calm himself down again, accompanied by Shizuo´s soothing words.

He had to seal away that thought. He had to forget about it, otherwise it would drive him crazy. Shutting his eyes tight he hid in Shizuo´s shoulder and tried to breathe calm while listening to Shizu´s soothing words.

And somehow it worked.

He didn´t know how long they were sitting there just like this, but after a while he stopped crying.

Did he use up all his tears?

Funny question if he thought logically about it, but he sure felt that way.

He couldn´t cry anymore.

Shizuo seemed to notice this too, he leaned back and looked him into the eyes, wiping his last tears away.

Izaya watched him. A sudden question urged him to be answered.

Why did he behave the way he did?

"Shizu-chan, why did you kiss me?" Izaya asked with a raspy voice.

Shizuo didn´t answer though.

"Who did this?" he asked instead of giving a reply.

Izaya flinched at the question.

_The people who wanted to kill you got me instead_- he couldn´t say that.

"Don´t answer my question with another one, Shizu-chan." The flea responded quietly not missing the look of guilt in Shizuo´s eyes.

"Sorry." The blond mumbled.

Silence took over again.

…

"Why do you want to know?" Izaya asked.

He didn´t really want to know, but talking kept him from thinking of… _other things…_

"Tch, isn´t it obvious? So I can beat them up so hard they never dare to try something like this again." Shizuo explained angry.

Izaya looked at the blond with surprise.

A little smiled tucked at his mouth.

Really, the blond never ceased to surprise him.

"Haha, Shizu-chan wants to protect me~" Izaya chuckled lightly.

_Yeah as if… _

Shizuo hated him. He had hated him his whole life… Izaya didn´t get at all why the blond was doing what he did now, what he did _before_… but he was sure he still hated him.

Izaya looked at Shizuo tilting his head as he received no answer.

"What? No denying it? Watch it Shizu-chan, I am going to believe it~" he joked closing his eyes tired. He gulped, realizing that he couldn´t only not feel his legs but now his complete lower body anymore. Anxiety and fear threatened to overtake Izaya´s mind again.

"Then do." Shizuo suddenly whispered.

Izaya blinked surprised.

"Eh…?"

Without warning Shizuo leaned forward and wrapped his arms tightly around Izaya, holding him in a close embrace, leaning his head on the flea´s shoulder. Izaya struggled for a short moment, not getting what the blond was doing.

What he was saying a second ago.

"Damnit, they actually made you cry…" he froze.

_What- what is Shizuo- why-_ he wasn´t able to even think clearly.

"Shizu-chan?" he whispered, barely audible.

_Is he- does… does he actually care about me? _

The thought itself left the raven speechless. But it sure seemed that way- with the blond hugging him like this.

He gulped. Could it really be? Cautiously he wrapped his arms around Shizuo´s neck and tangled his fingers in his hair.

…

He didn't seem to mind. Did that mean…?

"Don´t tell me you care." The flea said jokingly after a while.

Shizuo didn´t answer immediately, instead he just tightened his grip even more.

"I do."

Izaya´s eyes widened in surprise.

"Wha-"

"I just do okay?" Shizuo interrupted him.

For a moment there was just silence. No word was spoken, no movement was made.

_He cares…?_

That couldn´t be.

That wasn´t supposed to be! He always hated him! How-

"Shizu-chan?" he mumbled quietly. He wasn´t even sure if the blond heard him.

"Hm?" it seemed he did.

Silence again.

He had to confirm this once more.

"…are we still enemies?" he whispered still pressed into Shizuo´s chest, anxiously waiting for his reply.

A sigh reached his ears and suddenly Shizuo changed their positions.

Shizuo towered over him capturing the flea with his legs and arms on both sides, Izaya´s face only centimeters apart from his as he leaned down.

"No..." he whispered, closed his eyes, bend forward only to place a butterfly kiss on Izaya´s forehead.

"…we are not."

Dazed, the flea looked at Shizuo.

He lifted a hand, brushing away a bang falling in Izaya´s face as he leaned down again, pressing his forehead to Izaya´s.

Izaya´s mind was riding rollercoaster. A single thought lingering all above all others.

No.

Shizuo couldn´t- Shizuo _mustn´t_ care about him!

He was going to die.

Today.

Izaya always hated Shizuo. He was his enemy! Maybe he didn´t seriously want to kill him and he knew Shizuo didn´t want to do that as well, but this - right now-

Shizuo couldn´t care! Because if he cared…

Sadness and guilt stung the informant as he looked at Shizuo.

If the blond really cared about him, and he was going to die today…

It would break him.

Seriously.

Izaya knew everything.

Shizuo was afraid of his strength.

Shizuo was afraid of hurting others.

Shizuo was afraid to lose people he cared for.

If... if he really died, _right here_, in Shizuo´s apartment, while he was there and he really cared about him…

Which he clearly did after - he fucking kissed him! Only now, mind a little more collected, no longer that clouded from fear and anxiety like before Izaya began to realize what he had actually done!

He didn´t know how much Shizuo cared about him- or more importantly since when?!

Or better why the hell did he kiss him back before?! What was he thinking? Or no, maybe he knew what he was thinking exactly, it felt good, and- Argh what was he even thinking about now?!

Questions over questions suddenly filled his head, almost giving him a headache.

But even though he couldn´t really solve any of them he sure knew one thing.

He didn´t want to die in front of Shizuo tonight.

While he had been so delighted to see the blond before, while he really appreciated what he did and still was scared of dying alone… he couldn´t die here.

He couldn´t. While honestly enjoying it when he could anger and tease Shizuo or watch him while getting pans to the face in his job, he couldn´t do this.

He somehow, not wanting to analyze his current mixed feelings further just did what his gut told him to. And what it told him was to not break Shizuo like this.

That was not what he wanted.

And he knew what he had to do to achieve that.

"Shizu-chan." He began. The blond backed away a bit.

"Don´t do that…" he whispered and pushed Shizuo away.

Shizuo looked at him confused- _understandable. _

"Izaya?" the raven did his best to glare at the blond like he always had in their fights.

"Ha, I can´t believe, you really fell for it!" he smirked at the former bartender.

_This_… was for the best.

"What do you mean?" Shizuo asked clearly confused. Izaya laughed.

"Shizu-chan, did you really think I was crying? Don´t kid me, Izaya Orihara doesn´t cry. That was an act you stupid protozoan." He glared at the debt collector.

An act. Izaya had always been a sneaky bastard, he knew it himself, playing such a thing only to see Shizuo´s reaction wouldn´t be that strange.

Now the blond was clearly at a loss for words.

"What are you-?"

Izaya sighed.

_Sorry…_

"God, Shizu-chan, you´re really stupid, aren´t you? That was just a game! Just a test to see how you would react, you brute!" he laughed. He didn´t miss the confused and hurt look Shizuo gave him.

_I am sorry… _

"But really, you never cease to surprise me Shizu-chan! You even went and kissed me-!" he paused.

_Really sorry_…

"Disgusting." he hissed.

That did it. Just as he predicted Shizuo shot up from the couch and grabbed him by his shirt.

Exactly what Izaya had wanted. He couldn´t walk, hell he probably couldn´t even crawl… He needed the blond to literally _throw_ him out.

"What the hell are you talking about?!" Shizuo asked furry visible in his eyes.

"Ara, so stupid you don´t even get what I told you? Poor you, must be difficult to live with so little brains... Or are you just so angry you can´t comprehend the situation yet?" Izaya just continued to tease the blond.

More, if he pressed more he would snap. He surely would.

Shizuo tightened his grip and brought the flea closer to his face.

"You... shut up!" he snapped at Izaya. But he didn´t even flinch, instead his grin just grew wider. He knew Shizuo hated it when he grinned like that.

"Haha, oh no I am not. Just throw me out if you want to stop me from talking. I am tired of this already anyway." And now he would do it. He just practically suggested for Shizuo to throw him out.

And he would do it.

"Izaya, what´s going on?" Staggered Izaya gaped at the blond, his grin dropping for a mere second.

_What-?_

Had the suggestion been to early to make him actually do it?

Quickly he set up his devious grin again.

"Shizu-chan, I already told you, this was just a game. A game. Not for real. You get what I mean?" he asked teasingly, trying to annoy the debt collector. He needed him to be way more angry.

However Shizuo was just as unpredictable as ever.

He let go.

Instead of fulfilling his wish and throw him out, Shizuo let go of his shirt.

And Izaya of course couldn´t stand. Ungraceful Izaya dropped to the ground, eyes widening in fear as he realized that the numbness had gone even further and he… he really somehow had trouble breathing.

"Izaya?!" Shizuo knelt down besides him.

"You can´t stand?" he asked perplexed.

_Shit._

Immediately Izaya resumed his façade.

"Haa? What are you talking about Shizu-chan?" he began, putting on a smirk again.

"You fell down just now." Shizuo answered simply. That was a statement, not a question and Izaya got a bad feeling. Shizuo was calm again. Too calm.

"So? I was just surprised you let me go so fast." he replied fast trying to come up with an idea to get away from here.

"Oh really? Okay, then stand up again." Shizuo said.

_Shit…! If this goes on, he- he! _

"Don´t want to." he answered.

"Izaya-" Shizuo began, but the flea interrupted him quickly.

"What? Am I getting on your nerves? If you want me to shut up, then just throw me out." He didn´t know what to do, his last chance was challenging the blond, maybe he would take this lure. He hoped he would…!

"Izaya, I won-t-" Shizuo began, but suddenly stopped mid sentence. Izaya´s eyes widened in surprise as Shizuo put his hand on Izaya´s forehead.

"Shizu-chan?! What are you-" he tried, but Shizuo interrupted him.

"Izaya you have a fever!", Shizuo exclaimed suddenly.

"I´m calling Shinra." he declared and motioned to get his phone.

Izaya´s eyes widened.

NO!

Shinra couldn´t do a thing! When he arrived he would probably be dead already and if Shizuo really wanted to call Shira that meant he wouldn´t let him go! He would keep him here until the doctor arrived, but he didn´t have that much time anymore...! He didn´t...!

Suddenly Izaya´s sight fell on his knife only a few inches away from him.

Instantly he dashed forward and grabbed it, immediately capturing Shizuo´s attention. He approached him again, probably fearing he would try to kill himself again, like before.

Not this time.

Izaya shot him a glare as he pressed the cold metal against the blond´s skin.

"No, you won´t." he spat. Shizuo looked at the flea in confusion.

"If you call Shinra I am going to slit your throat." he threatened. But slightly panicked as the the blond didn´t budge.

"Then do." Shizuo suddenly answered calm.

Staggered Izaya stared at the blond.

_What?! _

"Shizu-chan, are you stupid? I am serious, you know?" Izaya asked. Shizuo didn´t break his stare.

"So am I." he replied.

Shit.

It was over. Izaya just needed to see the look on Shizuo´s face to realize that the blond wouldn´t let him go anywhere tonight.

_Shit. _

Slowly he let his knife sink.

_Damnit…_

He faintly felt Shizuo take the knife out of his hands.

_He failed. _

_At the only thing he wanted to prevent before he died… he failed… _

"Iza-"

"Why...?" Izaya interrupted him.

_Why are you so unpredictable? _

_Why do you care? _

"Why can´t you just throw me out...?" he asked the blond, clearly feeling the tears return again. It didn´t matter anymore.

He could drop his act.

He felt Shizuo caress his cheeks softly, wiping the tears away.

"Why should I throw you out?" he asked the flea. But Izaya didn´t answer. Instead he just lowered his head again, hiding his face behind his bangs.

He couldn´t bring himself to tell him.

"Just throw me out, please, Shizu-chan." He begged.

But he wouldn´t Izaya already knew…

"No I won´t, I-" he didn´t get to hear what the blond wanted to say when a violent cough suddenly shook his body. Pain shot through him and he gasped as he suddenly lost the ability to breath for a second. He felt warm liquid in his throat as he continued coughing. He didn´t even need to look what it was he coughed up, the look Shizuo gave him and the metallic taste in his mouth already gave away that it definitely wasn´t only some lung mucus…

"Izaya?!" Shizuo almost yelled.

"I´m fine." the flea whispered, still squeezing his eyes tightly. It hurt. He felt like he was burning alive and the pain in his throat was unbearable.

"Izaya, you coughed up blood! Don´t fucking kid me, what´s wrong with you?!" Shizuo asked again.

Izaya stayed silent.

"Oi Izaya?!" he grabbed the flea by his shoulders, making it so he had to look at him.

"What´s wrong?!" Izaya turned his head away slowly.

"Just hurts..." he whispered quietly, his breathing ragged.

"What? What hurts?" Shizuo pried.

"...breathing..."

He slapped himself mentally for the response he gave the blond as soon as it left his mouth.

Before he could even protest, Shizuo picked him up, sat him back on the couch, got his phone and dialed Shinra´s number.

_Now he would tell Shinra… _

"Shut up Shinra, I need you now!" he heard Shizuo yell at his phone.

_But it was useless… _

"Shinra, the flea is at my house, and- God damn no Shinra! Just listen for a second okay?! Izaya is here at my apartment and I think he is sick or hurt, god I don´t know, he has a pretty high fever, and god he just-"

"Shizu-chan..." he voiced making the blond immediately pause and put his phone away.

"It´s no use... Shinra can´t help." he continued earning a rather confused look from the blond.

"What do you mean?" he asked softly, but Izaya just shook his head.

"I´m sorry..." he muttered. Shizuo looked at the flea with astonishment.

"Huh..? What do-"

"I´m sorry, Shizu-chan..." he repeated, hugged his knees and looked down again.

_Sorry… I am so sorry.. _

"What are you talking about?" Shizuo asked and brushed the bangs hiding Izaya´s face away.

But Izaya didn´t answer.

"Shizuo…?" Izaya heard the doctor sigh on the other line of the phone and turned his head away.

"Ah, sorry." Shizuo held up the phone again also having noticed the doctor. Izaya gulped.

Shit… he didn´t want Shizuo to know.

"What symptoms?" Izaya perked his ears.

Oh no. Definitely not. If this went on, Shinra would ask Shizuo exactly how he felt like and Shizuo would end up asking him that. And he most definitely wouldn´t tell the blond just how miserable he was.

Suddenly he had an idea. Maybe he could gamble on Shinra.

"Well I already told you, he-" Izaya interrupted Shizuo.

"IKTX." Anxious Izaya eyed the blond.

Surprised, Shizuo jerked his head as he heard the flea.

"What?"

The raven sighed releaved. Thank god, he didn´t hear about that drug. Looking away he continued speaking.

"They gave me IKTX. 6 hours ago. Tell Shinra that." he murmured.

Shizuo blinked, confused.

"Who gave you-" but he didn´t finish his sentence as Shinra seemed to talk to him again.

"Ah, yeah, Izaya just said something about IKTX, and that I should tell you that someone gave it to him 6 hours ago or so."

Silence.

"Shinra?" just as Izaya expected. The doctor stayed silent. Sure, he just found out he was going to die after all…

He noticed Shizuo looking at the phone.

"Hello?" Shinra seemed to answer him something. Izaya hoped Shinra would know him well enough to know that Izaya didn´t want for the blond to find out what was wrong with him. And he was a doctor, maybe he did stick to the confidentiality of doctors…

"Yeah, how do you know that?"

Silence again. Unbearable silence. Izaya knew the doctor couldn´t do anything anymore… he said it himself.

-_You get that drug- you die._ Ne?

"Shinra, what is IKTX?" Izaya suddenly heard Shizuo asked, making him flinch nd tur his head towards Shizuo for a moment.

_No, don´t ask! _

"Shinra!" the blond yelled. Suddenly Shizuo glanced at him. Quickly Izaya turned his head away again, frowning.

"Shinra, if you don´t fucking tell me in the next 5 seconds what´s going on with Izaya I swear you will regret it!" Shizuo warned.

"1" The blond started counting, while Izaya begged.

_No, please Shinra, keep your mouth shut!_

"2"

_Please!_

"3"

_Don´t tell him!_

"4"

Anxious he watched the blonde again.

"5. Time is up Shinra."

He gulped, till now Shizuo didn´t look like he heard anything from the doctor.

"Shinra! You gonna tell me now or-" Suddenly his face went expressionless.

Izaya turned away his head. Shit.

"Shinra, I think I didn´t quite hear what you said." Shizuo mumbled.

He told him. He could tell.

"You´re lying..." Shizuo stated.

Shit, not even Shinra did as he wished for.

"SHINRA! Tell me you´re lying!"

He shut hs eyes tight. Damnit, couldn´t the blond just accept it already?

"Shinra, stop lying, damnit!"

That stupid brute…

"STOP LYING! PLEASE...!"

He didn´t need to get so worked up over him.

Unbearable silence dominated the room for a minute. Neither Shizuo nor Izaya said a thing.

_**CRACK**_

Izaya didn´t know what Shinra said, but Shizuo broke the phone in two clearly furious.

"Shizu-" Izaya began as Shizuo suddenly wrapped his arms around him, trapping him in a tight hug.

"Everything... everything is alright, ne Izaya? You won´t die." He suddenly said.

Izaya frowned sad. _No, nothing is going to be alright- Shizu-chan._

"Shizu-chan, I-" Shizuo hugged the flea tighter, cutting off his words.

"You. Won´t. Die. Okay?" the blond repeated, still not willing to let go of the flea for even a second.

Izaya already felt a lump build in his throat at the desperate, but somehow hopeless tone Shizuo´s voice wore. And he started rambling away.

"Shizu-chan, I know what´s happening... I already can´t feel my legs anymore, and the rest of my body is going numb too, my fever is rising, my sight is blurry... it´s already hard to breath and in one hour I will completely stop-"

"SHUT UP!" Shizuo suddenly yelled loud, making the flea flinch.

He backed away a bit and cupped Izaya´s face.

"Izaya, you are not dying!" he repeated. A sad frown appeared on the raven´s face. He already seemed to have accepted his fate.

"No, Shizu-chan, I-" but he got interrupted again.

"No you are not! Izaya, I always tell you that 99% of the time everything is your fault, and you always ask me to believe in that last 1%, so now shut the fuck up okay?! There is a 1% chance of surviving! I believe that fucking in 1% now, okay?! So don´t you dare give up!" he gulped.

He hugged the flea again, hiding his face in his shoulder.

"You can´t die, I won´t let you..." he muttered. Izaya´s eyes stung dangerously at the blond´s words.

"You´re stupid… You can´t prevent everything you know?" Izaya tried to chuckled slightly, intending to play it off, which was a huge mistake though he noticed seconds later as another coughing fit hit his body like a tidal wave.

His throat hurt, his body was burning. Panting Izaya tried to catch his breath. Breathing seemed to get more difficult. He gulp, trying not to panic.

"Shut up. You won´t.", Shizuo mumbled while rubbing the raven's back.

"Really simple-minded..." Izaya remarked but already couldn´t stop tears of desperation and anxiety to spill.

"So what if I am..." the blond replied backing away again. Izaya didn´t miss the shocked look on Shizuo´s face as he saw that he was crying again.

He was hurting him this exact moment… no, he was torturing him.

"Shizu-chan, I am sorry..." he cried silently. Shizuo frowned.

"For what?"

"...for dying in front of you... instead of alone." He apologized.

"Iza-" Shizuo tried to say something, but Izaya interrupted him.

No, he didn´t want this to end like this. Only with tears and sadness. And missunderstandings…

"No, let me talk Shizu-chan. Who knows how long I can. You know, I really hated you at school. You remember our first meeting?" Shizuo nodded silent. Of course he remembered.

"Sure, who could forget something like that?" Izaya smiled at the memory.

"Yeah right, you chased me all over the school after I slashed you with my knife… I really hated you that moment. Seeing you for the first time you already disturbed my pace by immediately hating me..."

Yeah, he remembered that as clearly as if it happened just yesterday.

He paused for a moment.

"Ne, Shizuo, remember how I always said I wanted to kill you? Or for you to drop dead?...I didn´t... honestly, I had a lot of chances, but I didn´t want to. You know, you may be hating me for that now, but it was fun being chased by you through Ikebukuro."

Izaya admitted and tried to smile at the blond.

Shizuo frowned and hugged the flea again.

"I know." he replied softly.

Surprised Izaya looked at the blond.

"Eh?"

"Izaya, you are fucking smart, even I get that you would be able to kill me if you really wanted to... You know, I also like chasing you. It always relieves me of some unwanted anger." he admitted.

Izaya chuckled slightly.

"Oh yeah, I saw that. Probably because you always use up all your energy while chasing me." Shizuo laughed.

"Could be. But you know, I wouldn´t have killed you either." Izaya nodded. Of course.

"Mm. I know. The first time you caught me I really thought you just slipped when I got away, but after a few more times it was quite obvious you really just let me go."

Shizuo smirked.

"Well, couldn´t just kill a friend, right? …"

Izaya looked at the blond surprised, as he tilted his head upwards, facing Shizuo again.

A friend?

Shizuo Heiwajima, the man he always annoyed knowing no boundaries… that Shizuo actually considered him a friend?

Tears began rolling down his cheeks as he began crying anew.

"Izaya? What´s wrong?" Shizuo asked, probably surprised at the sudden emotional outburst.

"Ah, sorry. It´s nothing, it´s just... " A heavy sigh escaped the flea´s trembling lips.

"Shit, what the hell is with that, making up roughly 30 minutes before I die? Honestly, our timing sucks…" he smiled a broken smile.

"Izaya, you won´t-" Suddenly Izaya felt really, really cold. Lips trembling he began to shiver.

"Are you cold?" Shizuo suddenly asked, felling his forehead again.

Izaya nodded, shaking. Quickly Shizuo got up and got a blanket. The blond gently picked him up and seated him on his lap, letting him lean onto his chest.

"Shizu-chan?" Izaya asked confused with trembling lips.

"I have an average temperature of 38 degrees. Just treat me as a heater." Shizuo simply replied while covering both of them with the blanket. Izaya chuckled faintly as he snuggled closer to Shizuo.

"Shizuo, the terrifying heater of Ikebukuro. Beware of his warmth... "

"Tch." Shizuo smiled a bit. But it was forced. Izaya could tell.

"Ah, do you remember that one time at school?" Izaya suddenly asked, trying to change the subject again.

"What time?"

"You know, that time you chased me through school because I drew a moustache on your face while you were sleeping on the roof."

"Oh. That time." That had definitely been fun.

"You ripped a heater out and threw it after me." Izaya continued smiling.

"Oh yeah, and then I got suspended if I remember correctly... I got suspended quite often because of you..." he reminded.

Izaya smiled guilty. Indeed… he did give Shizuo a hard time…

"Mm, yeah. Sorry about that."he apologized.

"Tch, long forgotten... After all you did good things too." Surprised, Izaya looked at the blond.

"Eh? Good things? You sure you´re talking about me?" ha asked. Shizuo laughed.

"Oh yeah, I clearly remember that time when a group of punks came to school. I threw a truck after you the day before and actually broke a few bones. There were fifty of them and I was alone. Maybe they could have even defeated me that day." Now it was Izaya´s turn to laugh, followed by a few coughs though.

He frowned at the tight feeling in his chest and the rapidly increasing pain in the area.. where his heart was supposed to be. He gulped and continued speaking nonetheless.

"No way, no-one would have ever defeated you, wearing a plaster or not." he clarified and leaned back on Shizuo´s chest, his breathing really unstable.

He couldn´t help but feel scared as he felt his breathing become even more painful with each breath he took.

"Maybe, but you know, you saved me there- " Shizuo started to talk again, but Izaya didn´t really listen.

It hurt.

It really hurt.

And it only got worse. Izaya felt close to crying again, when suddenly – nothing.

He wondered for a brief moment if he died now, because the pain suddenly disappeared.

Almost as if it never was there.

Instead extreme sleepiness assaulted him making his eye lids feel heavier by the second.

He still could hear Shizuo´s voice somewhere, faintly, still talking to him.

It was soothing.

Really soothing.

Izaya´s eyes fluttered.

He didn´t feel pain anymore…

Maybe..

Maybe he could rest ab bit? Just a few seconds-

"Oi, Izaya?!" a sudden call made Izaya open his eyes again

"Ah, sorry, nodded off." he replied faintly still feeling that drowsy sleepiness.

"Izaya, you´re like freezing cold..." Shizuo frowned. Izaya stared at him in disbelieve. He was?

"Really? Don´t feel anything..."

He felt the blond rubbing his arms a bit probably to get him to warm up and held him closer.

"Oi, Izaya keep your eyes open, okay?" he said with a shaking voice.

"Nnn." Izaya nodded slowly before he broke into another coughing fit. Shizuo rubbed his back. There was more blood... Izaya saw it... however, strangely it didn´t hurt.

"Ah, sorry about before." the flea suddenly said after he stopped coughing and snuggled back into Shizuo´s warm chest.

"For what?" he aske stroking Izaya´s hair.

"For what I said... and...the kiss... It wasn´t disgusting. Not at all." He explained, exhaustion hitting him like a tidal wave.

"I figured as much, after all you kissed me back."

He wanted to sleep.

"Mm. You´re good at kissing." He replied quiet.

"I could kiss you again tomorrow." Shizuo said but Izaya only registered it barely.

"Maybe..."

He was sleepy.

"You mean definitely. You- Izaya?"

Sleep.

"Just..tired..." he whispered, blinking a few times.

"Izaya!"

"Shizu-chan… Thank you. You know, I really do like you."

"Oi, Izaya, don´t go saying your last words now, you hear me? You aren´t going to- Izaya!" Izaya closed his eyes.

He was too tired to keep being awake.

"Oi! Open your eyes Izaya! Izaya!" he faintly felt himself being shook.

"Sor..y. sle..py" he mumbled.

"Izaya!"

"Iza..a! Oi, o…en y…ur e...s!"

**-10 am the next day. Shinra point of view-**

_Beep. Beep._

It had been 7 hours. That´s how long it had taken him to try and get Izaya´s condition stable.

Yes. Izaya lived.

But…

_Beep. Beep._

…

He couldn't tell him...

Shizuo probably thought now that Izaya was out of danger everything was alright again.

_Beep. Beep._

Frustrated Shinra leaned his head on bis hands.

Nothing.

Absolutely nothing was alright.

Izaya has been poisoned by the most dangerous drug he knew. This wasn't like some illness you just overcame and everything was fine. Poison caused actual damage to the brain.

Damage that can't be healed.

_Beep. Beep._

…

He didn't even want to think of the countless possibilities that could happen when Izaya woke up.

What if the poison messed with his brain too much? He felt sick just thinking about it. He felt sick thinking of Shizuo who was so happy after he heard Izaya wouldn't die...

He couldn't bring himself to tell the blond what could still happen...

Apart from the physical complication what worried him most was the mental state Izaya woke up in. It wouldn't be the first time for a poisoned patient to wake up with amnesia, in the best case. But in the worst case...

_Beep. Beep._

He rested his head in his hands.

He didn't even want to think about it, an Izaya, staring in the air with no reaction for the rest of his life, schizophrenia, ...

All possible.

_Beep. Beep._

Shinra gulped as he glanced at the sleeping raven.

_This_ was the first time Shinra was scared for a patient to _wake up_.

…

_Beep. Beep._

Maybe it would be better if…

…

_Beep. Beep._

If he…

_Beep. Beep._

…

_Beeeeeeeeeep…_

**Oh my another cliffhanger. XD But don´t fear, I will update soon! **

**Next: Chapter 4: Death or life? due to 18.9.2014**

**I hope you liked this chapter and weren´t bored with it, but I really wanted to show just what Izaya felt and thought during this whole scene, soooo well... sorry if that was boring. ^^'**


	4. Chapter 4: Death or life?

**Sorry, I am a day late, but finally here it is the next chapter~ And thank you sooooo much for your lovely reviews! *-* They make my day! X3 Especially "Samm" ;D **

**Thank you Ikarusakurai for correcting it again~ -^.^- **

**And now let´s not keep you waiting any longer~ **

**Enjoy! :3**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**Chapter 4: Death or life?**

_**Beeeeeeeeep**_

It didn´t even take a second for Shizuo to shoot up from his seat beside the raven´s bed.

"Oi, Shinra! What´s going on?!" he asked, panicking, while the doctor rushed over, sure as hell knowing just what this *beeep* sound meant.

"Shizuo, go to my desk, middle drawer, get me the black box from it!" he ordered and Shizuo obeyed immediately. He rushed over, found the box Shinra talked about, but the moment he turned around the beeping stopped briefly only to continue with a rather awkward pace.

**_Beep. _**

**_Beep. Beep. Beep. _**

**_Beep. Beep. _**

Shizuo anxiously watched the doctor who stepped away from the bed rubbing his temples, strained.

"Oi, What´s wrong with Izaya?!" the blond asked tense, not getting what the sudden change in attitude meant. The bespectacled just shook his head exhausted.

"Just arrhythmia …" Shinra mumbled, more to himself, than anybody else. Shizuo gritted his teeth, annoyed, not knowing what the doctor was talking about.

"What´s that?!" he asked glancing at Izaya. Worry was lingering in his eyes. Shinra sighed and got over to his desk, only to pull out two syringes.

"Arrhythmia - it means he has an irregular heartbeat." Shinra answered while giving Izaya the two shots. Shizuo gulped as the two needles disappeared in Izaya´s arm.

"This should do the trick." Shinra explained, backed away from Izaya´s bed and sat back on his swivel chair again.

A heavy sigh escaped his lips as he rubbed his temples. "God damnit Izaya, don´t give me such a scare…" he mumbled to himself, but the blond heard him.

Shizuo eyed the bespectacled uneasily.

He knew it.

Something was up.

Definitely.

And it gave Shizuo a bad feeling. A really damn bad feeling.

He glanced at Izaya anxiously.

It was 11 am. He had been sitting beside his bed for the entire night, not sleeping of course. He was too tense, too afraid. Afraid that Izaya´s state could worsen while he slept.

Shinra already told him, that Izaya wouldn´t die anymore, he called it a miracle and reassured Shizuo countless times to go to sleep and that he would wake him up when Izaya awoke. Shizuo was really glad to hear that, he really was, but somehow...

He didn´t believe him.

Sure, he did believe that Izaya was now somehow out of danger, at least a bit, but he still got the feeling that Shinra was hiding something from him. Normally, Shinra patches up his patients, including him and Izaya, and as soon as they are out of danger he would just leave them to heal alone in this room.

This time he didn´t leave.

Shinra didn´t leave this room even once in these past nine hours and that made Shizuo suspicious.

Why?

He glanced at the doctor, obviously tense sitting beside Izaya´s bed as well.

Why did the look Shinra gave him made him feel like Izaya won't wake up anymore?

What was he hiding?

He glanced at the bespectacled. He was still sitting there in his swivel chair, pushing the pencil lead in and out, in and out.

That damn clicking noise in this unbearable silence, where the only thing they heard was Izaya´s heartbeat, really got on his nerves. It almost drove Shizuo insane, but he kept silent about it. It was obvious that Shinra was nervous - and Shizuo didn´t know if he really wanted to know the reason for his anxiety.

He looked back to Izaya. He looked peaceful, almost as if he was just sleeping. _God damnit… wake up Izaya!_ Why didn´t he? Sighing, he got back on his seat beside Izaya´s bed, not taking his eyes of the raven for a second.

He tried to suppress a yawn as his sleep deprivation hit him like a wave. He rubbed his eyes, angry. No. He was definitely not going to sleep before Izaya woke up! Frustrated, he stretched out his arm reaching for the raven´s hand.

_He is cold. _

Shizuo gulped.

_Just like before. _

Frowning, he remembered the way Izaya had felt so cold in his arms before he lost consciousness. Before he suddenly closed his eyes - not opening them anymore. His eyes already beginning to sting again while he looked at the sleeping informant, his eyes still closed.

He would wake up… right…?

He had to!

There was no way he could suddenly disappear from Shizuo´s life.

He would miss him.

God damnit he didn´t want the flea to… to-

Blinking back some tears, he began rubbing his thumb over the back of Izaya´s hand.

_God damnit… wake up Izaya… _

Seeing that he couldn´t just blink back the tears he decided to just shut his eyes completely.

_Wake up… _

_Drip drop. _

Before he knew it, hot tears began to spill.

_Wake up…_

He would give everything for the informant to wake up again, to look at him with that usual smirk of his.

_Please Izaya, __Wak-_

Suddenly Shizuo´s eyes shot open.

…

He looked at Izaya´s hand with much confusion.

It was still cold. Nothing changed... but- Did he just flinch?!

No, that wasn´t possible. He had probably just imagined what he wanted to feel the most.

However, he did pay close attention to Izaya´s hand.

And there it was again.

Izaya´s hand twitched.

Shizuo leapt up from his seat, making his chair fall backwards as he leaned over the flea.

"Izaya?"

Was he- was he waking up?!

**-Izaya´s point of ****view-**

_Dark. _

_Dark and cold… where am I?_

He hurt. He didn´t know why, or even where, he just felt pain.

Indescribable pain.

_Stop it. _

_Please stop the pain…_ But of course it didn´t stop_. _

The pain refused to fade. As well as the cold, wrapping around him like the death reaper's blanket.

He didn´t even know, was he sleeping?

Was he dead?

He couldn´t even figure out the simplest things.

Suddenly something caught his attention.

"Iza..a? Oi, I..aya." he could hear sounds.

_What´s… going on…? I can hear something… a voice… from where..?_

"Iz..ya. Izaya!"

_It´s calling my name…? Who…?_

"Izaya!" The voice was getting louder.

"Wake up!" A familiar voice…

He knew that voice…

"Izaya!"

**-Everyone´s point of ****view-**

"Shi…zu…o?" Izaya whispered hoarsely, too exhausted to do more than that.

Shinra´s eyes widened. He dropped the pen he had been abusing for the last hour. His heart almost stopped when he heard the raven speak.

_He called Shizuo´s name! _

Tears of relief almost threatened to spill as he dashed over, nearly stumbling over his own feet in the process.

If he knew Shizuo´s name that meant he had no amnesia. Also he hadn´t lost his voice, he recognized him! If only one thing, he wouldn´t be an emotionless looking patient locked up in a room.

Shinra wasn´t the only one being relieved to hear the informant´s voice.

Shizuo´s heart skipped a beat as well when the flea actually whispered his name.

The tears of sadness he had shed before morphed to those of happiness as he smiled at the raven.

"Yeah, it´s me." he responded, rubbing his eyes.

But while Shizuo and Shinra where absolutely delighted to hear the informant´s voice, the person itself regretted speaking immediately.

Pain.

Intense pain, that was the first thing he felt.

His chest was still burning, every gulp felt as if he was swallowing sharp blades cutting his throat slowly and painfully and his head killed him with intense waves of migraine. The room was spinning and the dull pain in his head made him feel nauseous.

It hurt. Everything hurt.

It hurt so much.

Izaya opened his mouth to a silent scream, his eyes squeezed tight, as he tried to move.

Tried to move away from the pain.

His chest hurt.

He could barely breathe and it hurt.

It hurt so much!

Shizuo got down from his high when he saw how Izaya´s expression had turned incredibly pained and tensed.

"Sh-shinra, something´s wrong!" he almost yelled at the doctor.

But it wasn´t even necessary to tell the bespectacled. The moment Shizuo said he had felt Izaya move, he rushed over anyway. Now he was already at the flea´s side, panicking at Izaya´s reaction.

"Izaya? Oi, Izaya?! What´s wrong?!" he asked desperately, while scanning his machines for any change.

But there was none. What was wrong?

"Shinr- hurts -!" Izaya managed to pant hoarsely, pathetically squeezing his eyes shut, while slowly moving his hand to his shirt and then to his head with that little bit of strength he had, to make himself understandable. Shinra took the hint.

"Shizuo, help me move him. Quick!" Immediately Shizuo was by the flea´s side, carefully wrapping his arms around the shivering form and pulled him in a more vertical position. Panicking, Shinra focused on Izaya´s expression as Shizuo moved him.

"Shizuo, slower! Please be careful. One wrong move and he could be unable to breathe altogether!" Shinra warned hectically.

Instantly Shizuo froze in his movement.

"WHAT?!" Shinra didn´t say anything about that!

"Just be careful!" the doctor replied, frowning, while keeping an eye on the informant.

A huge wave of relief washed over the doctor when Izaya´s face settled into a not painless but at least more relaxed expression.

Shizuo noticed the change as well and held Izaya right in the position he was in, slightly moved up vertically.

"Is it okay like this?" he asked, holding the informant in place. Izaya nodded slightly not daring to say another word, lips turning blue.

It was so cold.

So damn cold.

Worried, Shinra noticed the way Izaya´s cheeks had taken on a light shade of pink. He reached his hand out and pressed it on Izaya´s forehead.

It was incredibly hot.

"Shit, he has a fever." He announced swearing and quickly got some blankets from a cupboard standing next to the bed. Shizuo watched him, confused.

"He has a fever, shouldn´t we try to cool him down instead of warming him up?" But the doctor shook his head while wrapping some extra blankets around the shivering form.

"This is different to a normal fever Shizuo. This fever seems to be caused by the drug, his body is still fighting it, and since I can´t do anything for him, his body needs to take care of that itself. We need to keep him warm." However, Shinra confused the blond yet again when he pulled a cool bag out of one of his drawers.

"What's with the cool bag? I thought he had to be kept warm?" Shinra sighed.

"Not his head, I will tell you some other time why. Could you hold him like that some more, I will get some cushions and blankets to secure-"

"No need." Shizuo interrupted him and kneeled onto the bed.

"Shizu-ch…an?" The raven whispered pathetically, his voice hoarse and shaking, while Shizuo crawled behind the flea, still holding him in place, and settled behind him, letting Izaya lean on his chest. He took the cooling bag out of Shinra´s hand and placed it onto Izaya´s forehead.

A sigh of relief escaped the flea´s lips.

This felt so good.

His headache was killing him, but the cool bag made the pain at least bearable.

Shizuo didn´t miss the way Izaya´s hurt expression settled into a bit calmer one.

"Is that better?" he asked, snaking his other arm around the flea´s cold figure, feeling him shake like a leaf. Izaya sighed at the comforting warmth warming his back, the soothing cold cooling his head and nodded lightly.

He was still in pain and he couldn´t help but frown at it, but it was bearable.

Shizuo, of course, noticed the frown and gave Shinra a worried look.

"Shinra he is still in pain." Shinra sighed and took out his flashlight.

"I know. Please look here Izaya." He ordered.

The moment Izaya opened his eyes Shinra turned the light on. At first he was satisfied at the reaction of the pupil, but then worried about Izaya´s reaction.

Instantly he shut them close again. A pathetic gasp escaped his lips as the torturing light flooded his senses only making his headache even more unbearable.

It hurt!

"Ah- … Shinra…!" he cried almost inaudibly.

The intense pain that followed the blinding felt as if someone cut his forehead open.

He couldn´t bear it, it hurt so much, his head felt ready to explode from the pain.

Gritting his teeth, he couldn´t stop hot tears slowly dripping from his closed eyes.

Shizuo looked at the doctor, furious.

"Oi-!"

"S-sorry, I had to do that, I didn´t know-" Shinra apologized quickly, a little confused by Izaya´s extreme reaction.

He was still panting, his expression a pained one.

He was so cold, exhausted, and it hurt.

It hurt so much.

He just wanted to go back to sleep again…

Sighing, he leaned into the comforting warmth behind his back. He was really, really sleepy.

The doctor noticed the way Izaya relaxed in Shizuo´s arms and shook his arm.

"Izaya, stay awake a bit more if possible. Oi Izaya!" Izaya left his eyes closed, but replied, panting heavily.

"Hurts…" Shinra nodded even though the raven couldn´t see it.

"Yeah, I know. Listen: I need you to tell me where it hurts. This is important Izaya, please try to concentrate and tell me where."

"… better ask… where not…" Izaya huffed eyes still squeezed shut. His head was killing him… he just wanted to sleep.

"Izaya. Oi, Izaya, please listen closely. I know you're hurting, but I need you to concentrate on this now. I can´t give you painkillers before that. Where does it hurt most? Think good about it, there are some things I won´t notice until you tell me something is wrong with them."

He got it. He knew what Shinra was getting at, he wanted to help he just didn´t know how, since this poison was a totally new one for him.

He got it, still… it hurt everywhere.

He couldn´t tell what hurt most…

Maybe his throat? No his leg hurt more... wait why did his leg hurt?

...Oh. Only vaguely he remembered. He stabbed himself there.

Maybe his chest? No, most probably his eyes.

Yes his eyes and his forehead.

Ever since he opened them before, there was a dull pain aching in his front lobe reaching to the eyes. The throbbing pain almost made him go insane.

"… eyes, forehead…" he managed to breathe out between two painful breaths.

Shinra looked concerned as he leaned closer.

"Here?" he asked while gently placing his hand on Izaya´s forehead.

Izaya nodded slowly. A frown appeared on Shinra´s face. Instantly he got up and dimmed the lights before coming back again.

"Izaya, I dimmed the lights, now open your eyes." Izaya hesitated for a moment - after all the last time he opened them a flashlight making him experience extreme pain was aimed at him.

But deciding he could trust Shinra, he slowly opened his eyes. Only gradually they became used to the surroundings. Even the dim light felt as if it was burning.

He could make out Shinra´s figure, sitting on the edge of his bed.

He raised his hand in front of Izaya´s face.

"Try following my movement." He ordered and slowly began to wave his hand in front of the raven´s eyes.

Mildly panicking, Shizuo watched Izaya. He was slow. Really slow, while Shinra´s hand already moved to the right, Izaya´s eyes only followed it about a second later.

"Shinra?" Shizuo tried, quite concerned about the weird behaviour, but he was ignored. Shinra dropped his hand again and Izaya shut his eyes, lessening the pain by engulfing himself in darkness again.

That all-too-welcomed darkness.

This time nobody told him to stay awake and so he allowed himself to drift to sleep again. Shizuo noticed worriedly how the informant's body went limp again.

"Shinra!" he called, the sound of his voice sounding more like a question than a call.

"Don´t worry, it´s fine, he is probably to fatigued to stay awake longer." The doctor tried to calm the former bartender.

"Fatigued?" Shinra sighed.

"Shizuo, his body fought the poison until now and probably is still fighting it. It´s obivous he is gonna be exhausted." Shizuo glanced at the flea, dumbfounded. Right, he could have predicted as much. Suddenly he remembered that scene from before.

"... Shinra what about that earlier, his eyes they-" but he was interrupted by the bespectacled before he could finish his question.

"It´s okay - well kinda-" He rubbed his neck awkwardly. "... I can´t really say for sure if it´s really _okay_, but-"

"Shinra get clear." Shizuo growled annoyed.

"Okay. See, this poison, IKTX, seems to cause problems with the cerebellum, the part of his brain that´s located at the base of the skull, which makes it impossible for him to make rapid movements." He began to explain.

"Moreover this poison is a solution, which can therefore travel throughout the body and deposit within any tissue. The migraine and pain in his eyes result from that, as well as his tremors, shortness of breath and probably his pain when swallowing. I am pretty sure he will also experience dizziness and unsteadiness when he wakes up again. You know, this poison seems to change the ratio of amino acids in the blood, blocking or lowering the levels of serotonin, tyrosine, dopamine, norepinephrine, adrenaline-"

"Shinra." Shizuo frowned annoyed at the doctor, who began trailing off from the important stuff.

"Ah, sorry…" he cleared his throat. "Either way, this isn´t permanent, it´s something I can treat. I just need to restore depleted nutrients and give him some anesthetics and maybe painkillers. Izaya´s body will do the rest almost by itself. He just needs to exercise, get plenty of rest, eat 75% raw foods at every meal and keep himself properly hydrated."

Shizuo nodded. "Alright." That part he understood. He watched the doctor who got up and moved on to his desk, grabbing a syringe and one of his stocked up bottles, filling the syringe with the liquid.

"What are you doing?" Shizuo asked curiously, still holding the raven close.

Shinra approached him and carefully took Izaya's arm.

"Until now I couldn´t carelessly give him any painkillers since I didn´t exactly know how much or where this poison affected his brain. Now I can do that, since I don´t need for him to check anymore. When he wakes up again he shouldn´t feel too much pain anymore." He smiled.

A sigh of relief escaped the blond´s lips. This time Shinra didn´t lie. He didn´t know why Shinra was acting so weird before, but whatever it was, now it was fine.

A smile tucked at his lips.

His flea was going to be alright again.

He really was.

He closed his eyes, only listening to Izaya´s steady breathing as he nuzzled into his hair.

Alright.

He would be okay again.

He would-

"Celty…" Surprised, Shizuo opened his eyes again. Really, there she was, standing in the door frame of the room. Instantly, she began typing on her PDA.

(What happened?!) She pointed at Shizuo and Izaya. The blond couldn´t help but smile at the reaction, it had to be totally confusing for her to see him hugging the flea like this.

Shinra wasn´t any better. As if she had told some terribly funny joke, he suddenly began to laugh. Shizuo didn´t need to see her expression to see how surprised she was by this.

"Ah that´s… a- a long story." Suddenly Shinra´s laughter stopped and before Shizuo could even wonder why, he saw the tears dripping down Shinra´s face. Obviously more than confused now, Celty typed again, approaching the doctor.

(Eh? Sh-shinra?! What´s wrong?!) Shinra took off his glasses hastily and began rubbing his eyes.

"Izaya was poisoned by IKTX."

Celty froze up for a second. Her PDA fell to the ground. It took a few heartbeats until she got out of her solidification. She grabbed her PDA again.

(Is he dead?!) she asked pointing at Izaya. Shinra shook his head and grabbed her hands.

"Ah, calm down Celty. No he isn´t." He put on a smile. "He was really close though, but…I.. I actually managed to save him. It was really difficult, and I…" his voice cracked. "I thought I wouldn´t ... I really thought I wouldn´t ... be able … to-" he didn´t get to finish his sentence as suddenly two arms wrapped around his body.

Celty couldn´t bear the sight of Shinra crying and trapped him in a hug.

"You did a good job Shinra." Shizuo said, smiling at the sobbing doctor. Shinra quickly rubbed his eyes and put his glasses on again.

"Ah, how embarrassing! A man crying…" he chuckled, but Shizuo interrupted him.

"I cried too, you think I am weak now?" he asked the doctor.

"Eh... no, not exactly." He replied, dumbfounded.

"There you have it." Shinra smiled at the answer.

"Thank you." Celty approached Shinra again and shoved her PDA in his face countless times while typing away on it.

(I am so sorry I wasn´t here! Really, I shouldn´t have just left! If I knew what happened I wouldn´t have left you like this! I am sorry! Really, I just let you alone with this, I am horrible, I-)

Shinra took her hand gently to stop her from typing.

"Shh, it´s okay Celty. But more importantly, where were you? My dear love~! I was so worried~!" he switched into lovey dovey mode, making Celty chuckle a bit, or at least that´s what it looked like considering how her chest quickly heaved up and down. But then she dropped her shoulders again apologetically and went on typing.

(Sorry, I just couldn´t stand the screams anymore. I am so sorry. Please stop doing this Shinra, it´s really scary…)

Shinra´s face grew serious at her reply. He nodded.

"I´m sorry too Celty, I won´t do this anymore." He answered and hugged her, smiling, before a yawn escaped his lips.

"Shinra, you should sleep a bit." Shizuo suggested, knowing the doctor had to be pretty tired.

"Eh, but Izaya-"

"I will call you if something happens." Shizuo promised seeing how the doctor hesitated. But Celty took the opportunity and gently gave him a push.

"Celty…"

(Shizuo is right.) She typed on her PDA. Shinra sighed in defeat, knowing he couldn´t oppose his beloved anyway.

"Alright..." He let himself be pushed out of the room by his beloved to finally get a bit of sleep.

Smiling, Shizuo looked after the two of them as Celty closed the door.

He leaned back a bit, careful to not move the sleeping Izaya too much, so he could rest his back on the wall.

A smile tugged at his lips.

Izaya was okay.

More or less, after all Shinra did say some pretty bad sounding stuff that the flea felt, but that would go away.

He glanced at the sleeping raven. At least Shinra´s painkillers seemed to work, the flea´s expression had changed to an almost peaceful one.

Deep in thoughts he brushed through the raven´s hair.

Really… he was so relieved.

…so… relieved.

And with that he nodded of as well, Izaya still cradled in his arms.

**-Timeskip****, 8pm. Both´s point of ****view-**

Yawning, Shizuo blinked.

For a short moment he was confused by his surroundings, but the moment he felt the heat of Izaya´s body leaning on his he remembered.

Worry dared to take over as he quickly checked on the raven. Well, he was still breathing, and that machine beside Izaya´s bed was still giving off it´s steady beeping tune.

Sighing relieved, he wrapped both his arms around Izaya.

He was still okay.

A sudden cough snapped him out of his thoughts. Surprised, he eyed Izaya, only to see half lidded crimson eyes looking back at him.

"Izaya, how are you?!" The raven ceased his coughing and tried to speak.

"…better." His voice was still hoarse and quiet, he didn´t dare to raise it.

The intense pain was gone. And it didn´t hurt to breathe as much as before. Especially the pain in his chest had almost ceased completely.

For the purpose of checking out his body, he tried moving his arms. They were shaky and slightly uncoordinated, but no real problem.

He pushed the blankets away.

"You sure you- what are you doing?" Shizuo asked as the raven suddenly motioned to sit up. Concerned, Shizuo helped him shift, believing that maybe he still felt pain and just wanted to change his position.

However, the next question stupefied him.

"I could ask you the same." Izaya replied sneakily and glanced back at him.

"Huh?" he wanted to ask what he meant, but didn´t get to do so when the raven suddenly tried to get out of bed. Instantly Shizuo was on his feet.

"Oi, what are you doing? Lay down again, you still aren´t-"

"It´s none of your business..." Izaya spat and tried to take a step forward. A big mistake, because suddenly his legs failed him. The room was starting to spin and he could feel his knees buckle. If it weren´t for those strong arms that immediately wrapped themselves around his waist he would have fallen flat face on the ground.

Exhausted from only that little exercise, Izaya panted heavily. He still had slight trouble breathing.

"Where do you wanna go anyway?" Shizuo asked concerned, picking the raven up without problem and tucked him into bed again.

Lying down seemed to mitigate Izaya´s trouble to breathe a bit. Frowning, he looked at the blond.

"Away from you if you need to know…" he answered and turned his head away. The events taking place before he passed out all came rushing back to him, he couldn´t look at Shizuo. Too many things were not making sense for him right now.

He tried to get up again, but this time Shizuo held him down by his shoulders. He hovered over him to prevent him from moving altogether.

"What´s your problem?!" Izaya hissed still avoiding the eye contact.

"You aren´t well enough to move, so stop it." Shizuo couldn´t really make sense of why the raven would suddenly want to avoid him, but he decided it wasn't that important now. Izaya´s state was still critical even if Shinra filled him up with medications and painkillers.

Izaya rolled his eyes. Goddamnit he knew he wasn´t fine to move, but still…! At least that protozoan should leave so he could sort out his thoughts.

So many things happened, so many things confused him and what he heard before didn´t help to answer any of his questions so far.

" You cried…?" he suddenly asked, trying to confirm what he heard earlier. Surprised, Shizuo flinched

"How-" but Izaya answered before Shizuo could even finish asking his question.

"I was conscious when Celty arrived." For a short moment at least, but he really thought he heard them talk about the matter that Shizuo had cried.

"Oh…" Said blond scratched his head awkwardly.

"Yeah... I did, I mean you suddenly didn´t answer anymore and-" but Izaya interrupted him.

"Why?"

"Huh?" this time he looked at the former bartender, trying to read his expression.

"I don´t get it." He began, only confusing Shizuo more.

"What?"

Izaya sighed.

"Everything that happened yesterday." He whispered, frowning a little at the return of this dull pain in his head.

Sighing, he rubbed his temples as he closes his eyes.

"Oi, you okay…?" Shizuo ask concerned, seeing that the flea was suffering. But he just waved his hand dismissively before continuing to speak.

"I thought you hated me. Why didn´t you just push me away when I clinged to you?" He asked.

He seriously couldn´t make any sense of it, Shizuo had been so different from usual, as well as Izaya himself, but he just couldn´t really make sense of it.

"I am not that heartless!" Shizuo just replied.

"Why did you kiss me?" The question left Shizuo speechless for a while. Intrigued, Izaya watched the different expressions displayed on Shizuo´s face only mere centimeters apart from his.

"… well that´s… you were panicking, and I wanted you to snap out of it." Shizuo answered honestly, still hovering over the raven to prevent him from trying to get up again.

"Then why did you drag out the kiss so long?" Izaya countered, a slight blush forming on his cheeks.

More and more he remembered the way they had kissed and the way he had… _felt_ that time, this craving for more… the heat got even more unbearable at the thought.

Damnit, what on earth was he thinking?

"Y-you were too!" Shizuo replied quickly, not only letting himself to blush.

"Why did you even comfort me…?" he asked while averting his gaze, but looked quickly back at Shizuo as he realized how annoyed he had sounded. An almost apologetic look replaced his frown as he tried to correct himself.

"I mean, it´s not like I am not thankful for that, as much as I would like to deny it, you really helped me, but why? Why did you do all this? Why-"

"It scared me."

Izaya looked at the former bartender surprised.

"Huh?"

Shizuo´s expression had turned quite … _sad_ at the question. Gently, he removed some bangs from Izaya´s face.

"The thought of losing you, it really scared me, it even scares me now. You are _always_ there Izaya. You suddenly disappearing from my life, that´s just unimaginable, you´re on my mind way too much for that." Izaya was totally overthrown by the action as well as by what he said.

"What are you pointing at?" he asked, not being able to decipher it or to be more precise - believe it himself.

"You know…" he paused, and glanced away. "The moment I saw you yesterday, my feelings for you changed- no, that´s not right, they probably were always there I just didn´t realize… What happened yesterday made me realize… Izaya." He sighed and locked his eyes with Izaya again. "I said it before, I never really hated chasing you through Ikebukuro… I would go so far as to say that I even enjoyed it, I even went as far as to go to Shinjuku so that I could meet you for one of our fights… I was really dumb for not realizing it earlier… "

"Huh? Realizing wha-?" but Izaya didn´t get to finish his question as suddenly foreign lips pressed on his own.

His eyes widened at the action. While Shizuo´s lips were still locked with his own, his expression held a mixture of concern, worry and … something else he couldn´t grasp yet.

He gasped in surprise when Shizuo started to move his lips. The blond took the chance and slipped his tongue into Izaya´s mouth. It was hot. The feeling of Shizuo kissing him like this, so demanding and yet gentle, threw Izaya out of concept.

It felt good. Really good. Memories from yesterday started popping up again and Izaya melted into the kiss. He wanted more of that feeling that blossomed every time the blond did things like this.

Weak arms found their way up to Shizuo´s head, and pushed to deepen the kiss. A satisfied moan escaped both their lips as the kiss turned more passionately. Tongues intervening and hands roaming around on each others bodies searching for even more warmth in this hot moment.

Only after what felt like an eternity of kissing, Shizuo pulled away from the flea, leaving him panting for air. He chuckled.

"I owed you a kiss right?" he asked the still pretty confused Izaya.

"Eh?" he looked at the debt collector perplexed. He owed him?

"I told you, I will give you one when you wake up." Shizuo answered with a smile on his lips.

Izaya struggled for a moment with words. He didn´t really know how to respond.

So he settled on the most urging question that occupied his mind.

"Why are you doing this?" Shizuo didn´t answer his question though, instead he played with the tips of his hair again.

"You should have figured it out by now." he finally said, not really helping Izaya to figure out what he meant.

"Eh?"

Shizuo smiled at Izaya´s for once stupefied look.

"Ne Izaya, _are we still enemies_?" he asked.

Suddenly Izaya remembered what he said yesterday. How Shizuo said he cared for him, how he said he would beat those bastards up, that he wouldn´t leave him… that he…

He hesitated for a moment as realization hit him.

"You mean…" he tried, face heating up at the thought.

Shizuo knew what the raven was pointing at and nodded, smiling.

_Love? _

Normally he wouldn´t even dare to think of being loved by or even worse, loving someone except his humans … but now… He looked at Shizuo and just kinda… felt happy.

"So, are we?" Shizuo asked again snapping Izaya out of his thoughts.

"Enemies?" Izaya repeated the question.

That kiss before - he wouldn´t _want_ to kiss an enemy like that. But this was Shizuo. Shizuo was different.

Well, wasn´t his mind filled with Shizuo everyday anyway? Wasn´t he going to that warehouse because he actually didn´t want Shizuo to be killed? Simon already pointed it out once, but could this obsession for Shizuo be something else…?

Izaya knew the answer to that, and finally he didn´t care anymore.

Fuck reason.

He shook his head answering the blond's earlier question and lifted his head - capturing the blond´s lips in another kiss.

No…they weren´t… not anymore.

A rattling sound in front of the door startled the two of them, making them separate. Not a second too soon, because only a heartbeat later Shinra stepped into the room.

He rubbed his eyes, it seemed he had been sleeping until now, and kinda rushed into the room.

"Ah sorry I slept too long, how´s Iza-" he didn´t finish the question, seeing Izaya look at him surprised. Instantly his face lit up like a christmas tree.

"Izaya!" he called happily and rushed over to his bed. "How are you feeling? Do you hurt? What about that headache? Did it go away? How-" he was interrupted by laughter, coming from both Izaya and Shizuo seeing how excited Shinra was.

"What? Don´t laugh." The doctor huffed, feeling relieved yet again at the raven´s calm expression.

"So you´re feeling okay, I guess?" Shinra asked, sitting down on Shizuo´s chair placed beside Izaya´s bed.

Izaya nodded.

"More than okay. My head and chest hurt a bit, but it´s bearable, I feel like going home already." Shinra sighed apologetically and scratched the backside of his head.

"Well, um, don´t get to used to this painless state yet… I kinda gave you every painkiller I had in stock, of course considering how much your body could take, but I can´t give you such a high concentrated doses of them everyday." He tried to explain. "It would ruin your body."

Izaya gulped, understanding.

"Ah.. so the pain will return…?" he asked not quite happy about the news. Shinra shrugged.

"Not like before, I can still prescribe you some of them, but yes, basically the pain will come back, reduced though." Izaya sighed.

Great. He wasn´t really keen on experiencing that again. Shinra smiled.

"Sorry, I can´t really do anything… but hey, be happy you´re alive, which is actually a miracle." He chuckled.

"Damnit Izaya you really gave us a scare there…" he smiled relieved. Shinra and got up to rush to his desk while rambling on.

"Speaking of which, Izaya, how you survived is still quite a mystery for me, so please tell me exactly why, when, where and how you were poisoned with IKTX." Shinra ordered and already got some paper and a pen to note down Izaya´s words. Shizuo ears perked at the questions.

"Yeah, you said you were poisoned by someone, damnit, who were they? I am fucking killing them!" Shizuo said clenching his fists obviously more than furious.

Izaya´s eyes widened at Shizuo´s statement.

Izaya almost died because he got the poison meant for Shizuo. These guys in the warehouse… the acid smell that lingered in here. Now it made sense, they were producing IKTX there.

Which obviously meant they had more in stock.

_No_.

He couldn´t let Shizuo know what happened. Not only would it probably hurt him to hear that Izaya almost died because someone was out for him, but he would also definitely go and try to catch them, to beat them up. What if _he_ got poisoned his time?

On the other hand, not telling what happened could be dangerous as well, those guys would come after him - after all he did kill one of their man outside when he was panicking and now he knew what they were producing out there. He wasn´t in any condition to fight them if they approached him.

What should he do?

Shinra chuckled at Shizuo´s protectiveness and turned back to Izaya.

"Well, there you have it Izaya, tell us what happened."

**Oh yeah Izaya, tell them. XD Sooo for all those that feared Izaya´s death, tadaaa you can be relieved, I was tempted to kill him off, but then I decided against it~ ;3 I hope you like the way this story progresses… XD **

**Next: Chapter 5: Wrong decision due to ****12th.10.2014 (Gomenasai~ I have a little time problem over here~) ^^'  
**


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